Echoes from Anna
by ThisIsHell
Summary: Bella lives with a power she doesn't know she possess. She lives in constant agony from the unknown demon that she believes wants to consume her. After the death of her twin sister Anna, she decides to keep a promise she made to her and move to Forks.
1. Chapter 1

_**This chapter works as more of an** **introduction** __**, it's very skimmed over and brief, just to help lead into the actual story.**_

* * *

 ** _Bella's POV_**

I wanted to say her name over and over in my head. I wanted to say it until it hurt. I wanted to say it until a single thought couldn't pass through my head without her name flooding into it.

When you lose someone, the way I lost her, the first thing you feel is the pain. It just hurts so much and you want it to go away so badly. You want everything to go back to the way it was. You want it to go back to the way it was before the aching, before the agony that came crashing in from their absence.

But that's the thing. It will never be like it used to be.

So, once the pain is gone and time has passed, you just feel empty.

That's when the strangest thing happens, something you would have never had expected. That's when you realise you want the pain back.

You see, If you'd known that it was your last physical connection to them, if it was the last time you'd feel them. Then you would off clung to the pain with all you had. You would've sat in it, soaked yourself in it, you would dwell in it forever. Because without it, you realise she's really gone. There's nothing left without that pain.

So, that's what I decided to do. I decided to stay here, in this dark place, absorbing every bit of the pain. Because the alternative seemed so much more horrifying.  
Letting her go, that would be what really hurt.

* * *

It had been six months since she died.  
Six months of having my own room and six months of not wanting to look into a mirror, not wanting to see her eyes looking back at me.

For the first time in this life, I wished that weren't identical twins. Maybe then my mother could look at me without the constant reminder that I was here and Anna wasn't. Maybe I wouldn't be a constant reminder that the wrong one died.  
My mother knew that Anna deserved this life. Anna worked hard to make it shine and I just sat on the side lines watching her. Just passing time and watching her live out a life that I was unable to grasp.

These are the things that never occurred to me. I thought my reflection would be a comfort, but instead I want to smash the glass with my hands, to pull her out, or climb in after her.  
I thought I could remember everything she had told me and that would bring some solace. But it just makes everything harder. The traces of her in my head were almost as bad as the traces of her that were left in the room we had once shared.

After she died, I had to be the one who decided what happened to her things. Her clothes, her books, the sheets that she slept on, no one came into our room to take them. Though, I had waited for someone to do just that.

It was almost like I expected someone to come and collect it all and take them to her. My mind simply couldn't comprehend her not needing them anymore.

No one would ever believe me if I told them, but Anna knew she was going to die. She had told me a long time ago, trying to give me time to adjust to the idea of life without her, as if that was something I could ever comprehend.

She had made me promise that when the day came and we weren't together, that I would go back to Forks.

She told me that I belonged there, that he would be here waiting for me and that I needed him. She said he could help.

I had to trust what she told me, I had to do as she had asked. No matter how much I didn't want to leave this place, I had to keep my promise.

It had been like this for as long as I could remember, she always knew what was coming. But she had always carefully decided on what she would share with me.  
She said it wasn't right. People weren't meant to know the future, that it took something away from the _now_. She said it messed with the natural order of things. She said that her mere presence in this world didn't fit because everything she was - went against the purest and most ancient of things…. _Time_.

It made things harder for her, there was a part of her that no one could reach and that no one could understand. The only part I ever really understood, was that just like me, there was a part of her that would forever be alone.

* * *

When we were six, I found her in the school playground alone; she sat staring at the ground crying, but wouldn't tell me why. She was inconsolable all day, but then the school bell rang and she grabbed my hand and dragged me home. We got off the bus and ran home to find our Gran as usual; she would look after us each day after school while our mother worked.

We sat with her that evening on the couch while she read us a story and the three of us fell asleep.

When I woke I felt my grandmothers cold skin pressed into mine.  
I remember being so frantic when I couldn't wake her up. I ran to the phone and called the ambulance. But Anna held her hand and stroked her hair, she told her that she loved her and that we would all be ok without her.

I remember freezing. Just for a second.

I stopped screaming into the phone and just watched her.

She was so calm and _there_ , she was there in that moment with her. She wasn't lost in confusion and panic; she held her hand knowing it would be the last time. It was real to her, not some dazed and blurred haze of emotion.

* * *

After Anna died, I laid in our room as the sunlight flooded it through the window and I knew that it wouldn't be the same without out her, even if I did stay. So I committed myself to going through with this. I had to do it, even if it was only to keep my promise to her.

I hadn't been to Forks since I was a baby, back when my father was still alive. But what remained there was the house he had left me and Anna. In the end I knew it was the best thing for everyone; mom needed to distance herself from me and I wanted her to be used to living without me, before it all fell into place, before all of this ended. Because I would do what Anna told me to do. But only to a point.

My room was completely empty, except for boxes that Phil promised to load onto my truck before he started work.  
I looked over at the clock and waited for him to knock on my door to wake me, I wanted to savour every second that I could in this space that had once belonged to her, that still smelled like her. In a space where every inch of the room held some memory of the only person who ever truly loved me.

It didn't matter that it didn't look the same now, that everything was packed away. The ceiling still looked the same, it still felt the same way and that was all that mattered. That was all I needed to pretend that it was just another day and she was laying just a few feet away from me. So close that I could simply reach out and feel her hand that was always hanging off the mattress while she slept. Reaching for me, even in her dreams.

"Let's do this Bell's" Phil yelled as he knocked on my door, I closed my eyes shut for a second, I let the calmness of the empty room take me over once more before I forced my eyes open.

 _Ok_ _._ _lets do this_

I quickly jumped to my feet and wiped my face, trying to remove the tears from my red eyes. I snatched up my jacket and unlocked the door for Phil.

"Sleep well?" he questioned with concern, as he looked me up and down.  
I smiled and nodded quickly at him.

"I'm fine." I added before turning my back to him to start this, to get this over and done with as quickly as possible. I could feel his eyes on me as I passed him the closest box, trying to draw the unwanted attention away from me.

I moved quickly. I moved just fast enough to be sure that I didn't have to fully think about what I was doing. So I didn't chicken out.  
Within an hour I was standing in the driveway, watching as Phil tied everything down. I tried to pay attention while he explained how to undo the knots when I arrived in Forks. The more I stood there, the more I found that I wanted to leave, just as badly as I wanted to stay… I wanted to run away and at the same time I wanted to hide away in mine and Anna's room. I guess in the end it was the same result. I wanted to be alone.

I walked over to my mother and wrapped my arms around her, but just for a minute. I could feel us both forcing ourselves to hold on for longer than we wanted too. There were expectations on us. Not set by her or me. But there were expectations on what a loving family should look like. She was supposed to be sad I was leaving and I was supposed to be worried I would miss her.  
I force a smile at her and she returned it. She held the fake warm expression for as long as she could, before she stood back against the front door, watching me from afar as I climbed into the truck.

I knew that I had to do this, but I never expected it to hurt so much, I didn't think that I would be so relieved to get away from her.

I imagined that I would finally be able to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything, everything that I had wanted to tell her since I was little, but instead I smiled from the car and gave a quick wave, before forcing myself to brake eye contact.

"Call when you get there, so we know you're ok." She said nervously as I pulled out the drive way, not giving her a chance to say anything else. And not making her any promises that I had no intention of keeping.

I took a breath and let my eyes fill with tears before quickly taking off down the road.

I drove for hours and hours, never being able to stop myself from crying no matter how hard I tried.  
I could still hear Anna next to me laughing and singing off key to the songs on the radio. It was too soon to be doing this. I didn't want to be doing this. It was a constant fight inside of my head, I wanted to stay in our room for every second that I could and just think about her. I wanted to lay in bed with her clothes that still held her familiar scent, breathe it in and cry all night. But at the same time, I wanted to run as far away from it all as I could, as if I could distance myself from what happened, not from Anna, but from loosing her.

Not long after Anna died my mother said she had to sell the house. That she couldn't handle living here without her and that's when I realised just how different we both were. She wanted to start over with Phil and have the baby that her and Phil had been planning for years. But I didn't want a _new_ anything; I didn't want to start over. Starting over in a new house will not change a thing. So, I would go back to the place that we were in when we were first brought into this world. I would go back to the _old,_ back to the start. And my mother could move forward.

Missing Anna is all I had left, the only life and happiness I had was because of her and it went with her. Guilt had washed over me when they talked about having a baby, because I prayed it would replace Anna and I, because I am done. I just want to lay in bed smelling her clothes and listening to her favourite music, watching her movies. Whether I do that here or in Forks, I guess really makes no difference. But I can't pretend it didn't happen, I cant move on.

Hell, I refuse to.

By the time it was midnight I had made it to the motel. I sat in the car outside debating on whether or not I should just keep driving no matter how tired I was. I tapped my hands on the steering wheel knowing what could happen if I wasn't somewhere safe and out of sight. But the thought of sleep mixed with the idea of crashing the car, because of how tired I was finally pulled me from my seat. I checked in and went to my room. It was nothing special, just a room with a bed and a TV, but for some reason everything in the room was a pale yellow, even the carpet. I dropped myself onto the bed and closed my eyes, it felt like only a second had passed when my alarm went off.

I smiled into the pillow with relief and rolled over. I just had one more day of driving and I should be there in the evening.  
Phil insisted over and over that driving from L.A to Forks was too much, I used the excuse that I didn't want to leave my truck behind, but I just couldn't risk the plane trip.  
There were rules that I had lived by, that Anna and I had both lived by. Rules that we set in place to keep us safe, to keep people from noticing what was going on with us, to keep people from knowing that we were sick or broken...or whatever it was that we were.

It comes on so suddenly for me, it always has. Painful blackouts that the doctors called seizures, but I never read any thing that described what I felt in those moments. For Anna it was completely different. When were were children, we had so many diagnoses, but none were ever conclusive. Our mother had continued to take us to every facility she could and try us on every new drug she could get her hands on, anything to make us _normal_.

As we got older, I got worse and Anna slowly got better.  
She had broken down once. She finally understood what was happening and she wanted, as any naive child would, acceptance and comfort - understanding and help.  
She told my mother and the doctors that she was seeing things - that these images would take over. But the more she told them - the more tests they would do, the longer they would lock us away in hospitals. That was when Anna and I decided to stop talking about it.

We would only talk about the symptoms that could be associated with epilepsy and we kept the rest to ourselves. To keep us safe.

We promised that we would look after each other instead. Anna spent years reading books, trying to find anything that was even remotely similar to what we had, but she never found anything close and one day she just stopped looking. I questioned her over and over again, thinking she had found something that she didn't want to tell me. But she promised repeatedly that there was just nothing. She said she was wasting _her time._

As the pain got worse each day, she tried to work with me, tried to help me handle it like her, but it never took.

I never really understood what Anna wanted me to do. She would ask me to try and focus when I was having a seizure or a migraine, or a black out or what ever you want to call it. But I didn't understand how she could see anything, focus on anything or think about anything when it hurt so much. That's when I realized that she was stronger than me, smarter and braver.

As I got to Forks I couldn't help but feel a blow of nostalgia, everything was just as I had left it. I didn't need the map anymore I knew where I was going. I still knew every street like the back of my hand and every house still looked the same as it did when I was young. It was so unexpected.  
I pulled into the driveway and I somehow still felt like this was home. Like it really was the best thing to do and everything really was going to be ok.

That thought lasted about thirty seconds. Then it his me, I could feel it coming.

The problem wasn't that the pain was unbearable right now. It was knowing that it was going to get worse. But I would never know how long it would be before it would become unmanageable. Before it would hurt so much that I wanted to pull myself apart and die.

I dragged as many of the boxes of the truck as I could and started going through them looking for the one filled with my medication. I was so engrossed in searching that I didn't pay any attention to the house. I didn't take a second to look around; I just frantically looked through box after box, wishing I had of labelled things better. It was stupid to have packed them at all

Finally, surrounded by open boxes - I found the one I was looking for. I collapsed to the floor and rummaged through the bags taking pill after pill, before quickly grabbing the prescriptions I had and running back out to the truck. If I hadn't been so consumed in my grief I would have been better prepared. God knows I had nothing but time. But still I didn't get the one thing that I needed to get and now, in this glorious stat I was in, I had to go out.

I felt like there really was no time to think. No time to do anything but focus on my goal. I drove far too quickly into town, stopping nowhere else on the way. I could feel my hands starting to shake as I pulled in to the car park. I walked in to the pharmacy tripping over my own feet, wanting nothing more than to get back home to where it was safe and I was hidden.

The pharmacist examined me suspiciously, until looking down at my scripts to see what I needed, when he suddenly looked up giving me a small but comforting smile, assuring me it would only take a few minutes, that he would rush the order.  
I sat in the waiting chair, I usually would look around the shop or get some groceries maybe, but today I sat staring at him behind the counter, and counting the seconds it took for him to fill the script.

I couldn't imagine how I must off looked, tapping my foot and biting my lip, waiting on the edge of the hard plastic chair for him to make his way back to the counter. But the thing was I just couldn't bring myself to do anything else but this.

I had been using all of Anna scripts since she had died, I was going through every medication so much faster than I should of been and couldn't bring myself to go without them when I had her ID and scripts, I found that as long as everything matched no one paid attention. For some reason I always had to think of it as borrowing, that if she needed any of this stuff I would give it back.

Finally he nodded to me as he made his way over to the cash register. I paid him and almost ran from the store. I could feel my insides starting to boil beyond belief and the sharp pain in my head started throbbing harder and harder.

I started to pull out of the car park when suddenly I felt nothing but pressure all through my head; I sat in the car trying to stop the flashes. Trying to stop the noise that burnt my ears and light that stung my eye's.

I wanted to scream so badly that I gripped the steering wheel until it hurt, I breathed heavily as my eyes filled with tears. I realised I had been sitting there to long, that someone would have seen me.  
I quickly looked around me to see if someone was witnessing the breakdown, to see a shiny silver Volvo in my rear vision mirror, parked behind me, the door slung open. I realised that I was blocking the exit to the car park and he was probably getting out trying to see what was going on.

I didn't wait to see anything else. I started the car and took off as fast as I possibly could back home.

I drove the car onto the lawn, as close to the front door as I could. I couldn't stop anymore to think about the growing pain in my head. I couldn't think about anything but the heat and how I needed to get cold water on me before I passed out.

I opened the car door and fell out onto the muddy grass; I pushed myself back up and threw myself at the front door. As soon as I opened it I stopped kidding myself and collapsed onto the ground.

I could hear nothing but screeching all around me, I tried to focus on where I was going but I was blinded by bright colors that flashed so hard I felt them erupt through my head like lighting. I dragged myself up each step towards the bathroom; the only other thing I could hear was my cries. I didn't have any control over what came out of my mouth. I couldn't help the pleading to no one, begging that this end. Even though I knew it never would.

There was no time to take my clothes off, I frantically pulled my self into the shower and turned the cold water on. I lay on the tiles trying to breathe, trying to imagine the water putting out the flames that ran through every inch of me.

I watched the water slowly go down the drain. I watched the pattern of the drain as it suddenly it started to shake, like I was on a train going a thousand mile per hour.

My thoughts were blocked; like my brain was drowning and it couldn't breathe.

"No, No, No, No" I screamed as I pulled myself from the shower and dragged my body along the ground. I knew I had to get off the tiles, that I had only seconds to get through the doorway. I reached out for the door frame to pull myself through to the safety of the carpet when suddenly the noise that was deafening stopped and I was gone. Everything turned hazy just before it was black and still.

In the silence, in the dead of night that's when I heard him. I didn't know if I was dreaming or if the voice was real. It was so quiet that I had to struggle to hear. But I could, he was there, telling me that it would be ok, that I was safe and it was over. I felt a hand through my hair, stroking it gently. But when I woke up, I found myself in my bed alone.

It went on like this for weeks

I felt like I was going to go mad living here.

I realise now after waking in strange places in the house surrounded by oddly arranged objects that I'm beginning to lose time. That was something that was unexpected.

Nothing felt right here, there was nothing to distract me. Literally nothing.

Even though the room was almost foreign to me, everything screamed out Anna's name, to the point that my stomach hurt and I couldn't catch my breath.

I decided to stop myself from unpacking to avoid the photos and books and just everything that we were. It wasn't going to help and I didn't need them to remember her. I didn't need any of these things anymore. Mine or her's. They were useless.

It had been three weeks without any human contact, without talking to anyone or doing anything. Any time I felt as though someone was taking the tiniest of notice of me I would flee and today would be no different.

I was forced to go to the supermarket to get milk and eggs, I was going exceptionally well with avoiding everyone in my surroundings when I had to make my way back out to the car park.

The weather had turned quickly and the clouds that had been forming suddenly began to turn black and the wind blew so coldly that it hit my skin like razors of ice. I wore only a cardigan and jeans, not planning to spend too much time dealing with the elements. But as always my plans changed when I opened my bag searching for my keys. I scrimmaged through the mess when the shopping bag slipped from my full hands. One of the two milk bottles burst on to the ground spilling everywhere and I could feel everyone's eyes on me in the car park.

I ignored everyone's stares and knelt down by the mess and opened my bag again when I felt a sting in my thigh. It was the fucking keys, jabbing me from inside the pocket of my jeans. I felt my eyes well at the unnecessary humiliation, and my hands shook as I tried to move quickly, but in doing so I dropped the last of the groceries.

I glanced up to see the shoes of someone coming towards me. No doubt wanting to help the new basket-case of Forks.

 _THAT'S IT. IM DONE._

I jumped to my feet and swung around, I opened the car door and threw myself into the driver's seat, slamming the door behind me.

I drove like a maniac out of the car park feeling stupider and stupider, not just for what happened but for my reaction.

I got through my front door and closed it and gave into the tears, to the overwhelming feelings of being here, alone and sick. But I knew it was all about her, because I couldn't pretend here. I couldn't sit in the familiar room and pretend she was at a party. That she would climb through the window and into my bed, smelling of vodka and cigarettes and tell me everything that had happened while I sat at home reading.

I wondered, if in the car park today, there were sister like we were, that one who responsibly pushed the trolley while the other hung of the end like a child. One carefree, while the other examines the shopping list one last time.

I could hear her singing along to radio in the car on the way home, chatting to me about boys while we packed everything away.

I was so stupid to think these things didn't matter. That they weren't everything that made up your life.

I leaned up against the door wiping my eyes when an oddly light knock froze me in place.

I didn't move and after a few seconds the knocking continued.

I stood up slowly, deciding that my breathing was far too loud and that I would be heard sitting so close to whoever it was.

I wanted to go upstairs and crawl into bed. I wanted to wrap my arms pathetically around my pillows and pretend that it was her, pretend that she was talking to me and telling me that everything was going to be ok. She always told me that I would be ok, but without her here to tell me, the idea of it became less and less believable.

The knocking stopped as I reached the stairs and I could hear whoever it was walking away. I slowly walked over to the window to see a tall boy from behind, as he slid into his car.

It took two seconds for me to register the shiny silver Volvo in my mind as the same one I saw outside of the pharmacy, the last time I almost made a complete moron out of myself.

I watched as the car drove of down the street and as my eyes dropped as he flew out of my vision I saw two brown bags on my porch.

I opened the door and found the two bags were filled with all of the items I had dropped but obviously they had been re-brought.

Everything had been so hard lately that I decided to just take it as something good instead of creepy or odd. He was obviously trying to be nice.

I went into the kitchen and put on the kettle and started heating up the fry pan to cook some bacon and eggs.

I tried to stay positive in the emptiness of the kitchen, but no matter what I did it seemed every day I was at war with myself to stay out of my room.

Sometimes I wondered if I wanted to break down and retreat so much that I would blow things out of proportion just so I could go and dwell, so I could go on refusing to try to do anything but stay stuck in this longing for her, this dreading of the pain that could strike whenever it pleases, with no rhyme or reason.

I forced myself to stay in the kitchen long after I finished eating and began flipping through a magazine, wondering if I should put on the TV to kill the silence when I felt the sharp pain strike through head, my hands shook and I dropped the magazine taking deep breaths.

 _No, It's to soon_.

In my head I would count, like she used too. Only it used to work for her. As Anna got older, by the time she would count her way to ten, it would be over.

I thought if I just kept doing it, that one day it would work, that something would just click in.

As the pain began to hit over and over again, forcing me to my knees, my sharp harsh breath shot out the numbers as I crawled up the steps, the staircase seemed as endless as always.

I had been doing this for weeks, but in reality I had been doing this exact same thing for years. My life was this exact moment, the desperation of trying to catch my breath, of not understanding why you couldn't just die, why this pain doesn't just kill me.

Slowly I made my way to the bathroom by dragging my body along the floor. I reached up and turned the taps on, filling the tub as quickly as I could. I reached up to the sink and cried out as I pulled myself up to my feet, I tried to open the medicine cabinet when the searing pain forced my body forward.  
I grabbed on tightly to the sink crying as the pain got worse and worse. I managed to reach up to the cabinet and open the door.

As I reached for the pills I needed, the pain hit harder and I grabbed onto the shelves to help me keep my balance and knocking everything onto the ground in the process. I actually felt lucky that I hadn't dropped what I needed. I shook my head at the thought as I opened the bottle and poured the pills straight into my mouth, I don't know how many I took, only that I swallowed everything that passed my lips.

I wanted to lower myself onto the ground and then slowly climb into the quickly filling tub. But the pain came on so strongly that I could do nothing but grab fistfuls of my hair in terror, as I suddenly felt my body heat up in seconds and the pain became so bad that I couldn't handle it for a second longer.

I lost my balance and my legs gave out as the pain struck harder and stronger, giving me the only warning I was allowed, that I was about slip into something that I couldn't escape from.

I felt like I could off hung on longer if I wanted too.

But I didn't even try, instead I let it take me, I let it eat me alive.

The lat thought I had was there was no point to this.

I had hung onto this existence for one reason, and that reason was one that would seem insane to anyone else. It even seemed crazy to me. Most days I wiped it from my mind and planned a fate she swore me never to think of. But at times like this it was impossible not to.

There were so many things that Anna told me that I just had to believe, because I knew she wasn't mad, she hadn't lost it. She just knew things and as she got older she could hear them clearly.

She could tell me so many things before they happened.

She told me I was going to lose her, but she never said when.

She explained my life to me in puzzle pieces, pieces that would all fit when he finally showed up. He was the one that was going to fix all of this. He would fix me. She told me a number of things about him, though some of them didn't make sense. I often narrowed that down to her drinking to much.  
But the one thing she pressed, was that everything was going to be ok, but she never told me when. Only that I needed him - to make it ok.

But I didn't want to hang onto that dream anymore, I wanted to let go and drift of. I deserved peace, I was sure of that.

As I floated off, seemingly unnoticed, I felt a wave of harsh air plunge into my lungs. It stopped me from drifting away and smashed me down to the hard ground, bringing back with it the pain that came with being alive.

My body was wet and my clothes drenched, I starred up at the light in the bathroom coming slowly to my senses, when I felt someone softly smooth back my hair and the bright light disappeared and was replaced with golden eyes staring into mine.

Just like that, he was there.

Just as she had promised.


	2. Chapter 2

_Flashback appear though out this story, they are marked in the titles and are shown in italics._

* * *

 ** _Bella's POV (Flashback)_**

 _I woke to the sound of her sneaking into our room, flashing me a big goofy smile as she stumbled over the windowsill. She was wearing her boyfriends leather jacket and though it was far to big for her, it still seemed to accentuate the curves of her body, revealing just how much more healthier she was than me._

 __ _I glared and shook my head at her casual demeanour, as she strolled over to me and dropped onto the mattress beside me._ _  
_ _She sighed heavily and smiled to herself as she got comfortable._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Moms gonna kill you" I muttered looking over at her as she grinned up at the ceiling, shaking her head in reply._ _  
_ _  
_ _"it doesn't matter" she added, obviously unable to wipe the smile from her face._ _  
_

 _"You were gone for three days Anna, trust me, she's gonna kill you" I said trying not to sound snarky, but becoming more and more curious as to why my words didn't seem to penetrate her good mood._

 _She rolled on her side, her downcast eyes softening as she took in my expression._ _  
_ _"I left a note" she argued faintly as her fingers grazed my arm._ _  
_

 _"I've written shopping lists longer than that note" I scoffed._ _  
_

 _"I'm sorry, I was gone for so long" she said thoughtfully, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, unable to stay mad at her, even though she deserved it._ _  
_ _"Where were you?" I asked with a sigh, changing the subject._ _  
_

 _"I had to take care of something important, but I wont go again. I swear" she promised as she continued to sooth back my hair, trying to rid me of my bad mood, knowing I was only worried about her. Knowing I lived on the edge, waiting for someone to tell me something horrible had happened to her._

 _I rolled onto my back and she mirrored the movement, moving closer into my side so she could rest her head on my shoulder. Her closeness relaxing every muscle in my body, as though I was never fully whole when she wasn't with me._

 __ _"God, he's gorgeous Bella. You did well" She said after a long moment of silence._ _  
_ _"I don't want to talk about this again Anna" I said in a flat tone. Wondering how she could continue to bask in events that would only happen once she was gone._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Besides, you said no more specifics" I added smugly, as I reached down and curled my fingers into hers._ _  
_ _"This boy deserves specifics, you can't rush over someone who looks like that. Trust me. Edward is very easy on the eye" She said letting out a dry laugh as she spoke._ _  
_ _"Well I feel sorry for him" I said with sarcasm flooding my tone._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Why?" she argued._ _  
_

 _"What normal boy deserves to be with a headcase like me?"_

 __ _Within a second she lifted her head to look at me, locking her eyes with mine._

 _"Don't ever say that again Bella, don't even think it. Your not a headcase. Your not." She demanded, making me feel bad for causing that look to appear on her face._

 __ _I let me sights drift back to the ceiling, as I nodded lightly in agreement, not wanting to have this argument yet again._ _  
_ _Though I don't know how she could assume that I wasn't a complete mess of a person. She had been taking care of me for years and she still couldn't see that I was broken beyond repair._ _  
_

 _"And to reiterate, I said gorgeous… No one here said anything about 'Normal'. Nothing about Edward is Normal." she said, squeezing my hand tighter and resting her head back down onto my shoulder._ _  
_ _'Again with this' I thought as I rolled my eyes once more, knowing she couldn't see me._

 _I had to believe in the unnatural, the strange and weird. I had to believe in that because that was us, me and Anna. But the few things she had told me about Edward, seemed very…unlikely._ _  
_ _But to dispute her was to call her crazy and she was anything but. There was only one crazy person in this bed._ _  
_ _"You'll see Bella. Everything is going to be ok"_ _  
_ _I shook my head at the hushed promise she made, as I felt my eyes well up with tears._ _  
_ _"Nothing will be ok if I don't have you"_ _  
_ _Why couldn't she see that?._

 _For once she didn't try to argue, instead she wrapped her arm around me and pulled me close._

 _I clung to her all night, though the whole time I felt her slipping from my grasps, even when she didn't move an inch away from my side._

 _She was like a ticking time bomb and when she exploded, she would blow everything in my world apart. Leaving everything in unrecognisable pieces and those pieces would undoubtedly be like shards of glass, that I would never be able to put back together. And they would cut me apart when I tried._ _  
_

 _One day I knew I would have to give up trying. I would have to find a way back to her, no matter the cost, or the promises I had made to her._

* * *

 **Bella's POV (Present day)**

She was right.  
He was gorgeous. In fact, the word didn't do him justice.  
I starred up at him, as his eyes scanned over my body repeatably. Obvious panic broke through his features, as his hand lightly shook from where it rested on my arm.

I blinked my eyes trying to fully open them, hoping get a better look at him. Finally his gaze found mine, as a weak smile curved onto his lips.  
"You're ok" he said with a sigh of relief, as his muscles relaxed, letting his shoulder slouch forward.

The exhaustion from the pain left me with no more then a few seconds to take him in, before I felt my eyes closing, no matter how hard I struggled to keep them open, if only to look at him for a few moments longer.

Slowly I felt his arms slide under me and lift me of the ground, pulling my limp body against his chest in one swift movement.  
"It's ok, your ok" he said softly, seemingly repeating the words to himself, as he carried me from the bathroom, as if he was trying to convince himself of the one thing I knew not to be true.

I couldn't help but press my face into his cool chest, using him to ease the burning that still erupted from my skin, as the last of my strength faded and I passed out once more, before he had even made in down the hallway to my bedroom.

* * *

I woke to find the room filled with an unfamiliar light. The sunlight falling through the window looked out of place in this usually dark and dreary room.

I stared at the curtains that had been pulled open, letting the warm light make its way in for the first time since I had arrived.

I rolled onto my back and in the time it took to do that, I suddenly remembered what had happened.

My breath hitched and I scanned the room as I slightly leaned up, spotting him no more then a second later.

He sat by my bed in the old armchair, leaning his elbows onto his knees and starring at me intently.  
I sat myself up quickly, keeping my eyes focused on his as I moved.

I couldn't stop looking at him, wondering if this was the right guy. And if this was him, then what in gods name could posses him to want to be here.

He's beautiful. The arch of his shoulder, his furrowed brow, hell, even his neck looked perfect. And here I was, broken and useless.  
I'm quiet, far too quiet I realised. I needed to say something. At this point anything would be good.

" _Um_ …Hi" I mumbled, forcing the word out, not knowing what else to say.

"Hey" he said quietly, straightening his posture and closing his hand together on his lap.  
"Your Bella, right?" he added, pursing his lips after my name fell from his mouth, at the same time mine fell open.  
My mind flew through a thousand possibilities, before arriving at the most obvious one. Though, in the time it took me to figure out the obvious, I could see that he was becoming worried with my shocked expression.  
"You know about me right?" he asked, breaking the silence.  
"You knew her" I said cutting him off, my voice full of confusion, thousands of questions lingering in each syllable.

I could see it in his eyes, the way he looked at me with composure and certainty, you don't look at complete strangers that way. I'm sure it reflected the way I looked at him.  
He nodded as his head ducked it down for a moment, watching his hands rub together nervously, before looking back up at me.  
"When?" I asked, not needing to add anymore then that.  
I watched as he inhaled deeply and looked down to his hands once again , as if they were reminding him of something.

He nodded to himself before he rose and took the two steps to my bed, sitting himself down at the end of it.  
"I met Anna eight months ago"

* * *

 **Edward's POV (Flashback)**

 _I sat at the piano, settling in to my first night alone in weeks._ _  
_ _  
_ _As much as I loved my family, I craved the silence that only came with their absence. There were no thoughts seeping into my mind except my own. It was a shame that this kind of peace could only be brought on with complete solitude._ _  
_ _  
_ _I soaked up every minute that passed, hearing nothing but the sound of the piano and letting myself get lost in each note._ _  
_ _I could hear a noise outside but there was nothing to go along with it. Nothing to make me think it wasn't just an animal wondering up to the house, until I heard a knock at the door._

 _I paused looking around, trying to hear something that would indicate who it was, but there was nothing. And the knocking continued in sync with the steady heartbeat._

 _I opened the door to see a girl standing there confidently grinning up at me, looking me over with approval._

 _"Hi" she said, lightly nodding to herself as she continued to scan my entire form._ _  
_ _"Hi" I replied rather awkwardly, wondering why nothing at all emitted from her, no sound other then her heart beat, assuring me she was human._

 __ _"Can I help you?" I asked examining her far to closely and looking around, wondering where she came from. Our house wasn't exactly out in the open and it wasn't on the way to anywhere, yet here she was._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Yeah, you can…I'm Anna" she said putting her hand out with a warm smile spread across her face, but I found myself still in shock. I stared at her, still trying to hear what was going on in her head, but there was just nothing. The silence made me uneasy and oddly enough it made the small girl intimidating._ _  
_ _"You should shake my hand Edward, it's polite…and human"_ _  
_ _I felt my brow furrow and my mouth fall open at the two very obvious things wrong with what she just said._ _  
_ _I honestly didn't know what to do, so I cautiously reached out and shook her hand._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Can I come in" she asked rather forwardly and I found myself glaring at the girl._ _  
_ _I was still confused about what this was, how she knew my name and wondering what exactly she meant by the 'human' remark._

 _As nervous as she made me, she also left me curious enough to move aside and let her in._ _  
_ _She walked passed me and wondered into my house, making her way up the stairs without any direction needed. I followed behind her watching her cautiously as she made her way to my living room on her own and taking a seat on the sofa. As if she had been in the house a hundred times._

 __ _I stood in the middle of the room, trying to figure out what was going on, just as she took one last look around before settling her eyes back on me._ _  
_ _"You can sit down" she said patting the spot on the sofa next to her. When I didn't move, but rather continued to scowl at the girl she smiled at me, completely unaffected by my expression and rigid posture._ _  
_ _"I don't bite" she added, raising her brow and tilting her head to the empty spot once more._ _  
_

 _"What's going on? What do you want?" I asked, unmoving from my spot, not finding her joke funny at all._ _  
_

 _"I just came here to talk. That's all." She said in soft and serious tone, trying to ease the tension that was building up in it didn't help._ _  
_

 _"It's important Edward. I really need your help"_ _  
_ _For the fist time since I laid eyes on her, I could see the desperation hiding behind her confident composure and all thoughts of her being a threat disappeared._

 _I let out a heavy breath and shook my head before making my way over to her._

 _I sat next to her and she angled her body so she was facing me. She continued to examine every feature of my face, as though she was studying them, though not in any I had seen someone do before._

 _"Are you going to tell me what's going on? How you know my name? "What your doing at me house?"_ _  
_

 _"How I know what you are" she added, as if she knew it was a point I didn't want to bring up. The statement made me unconsciously pull back from her, as if she was the dangerous one here, instead of me, the monster._ _  
_ _"You can relax" she said reaching out and placing her hand over mine, her soft and understanding gaze fixed on me, trying to enforce her words with it._ _  
_ _"I'm not here to cause trouble, I'm not here to freak you out, or scare you. I just need to talk to you and then I'll leave."_ _  
_ _I sighed and nodded, trying to relax. The girl seemed genuine and she didn't seem like she was playing some kind of game. There was no reason not to trust her._ _  
_ _"Ok, what do you want to talk about?"_

* * *

 _"This is…. strange" I said rubbing a hand over my face as she finished explaining why she was here._ _  
_

 _"I thought you'd be good with strange" she said widening her eyes and raising her brow._

 _"She definitely is" she added._ _  
_

 _"Are you human" I asked, trying to understand why I could feel so much heat falling from her, why she had seen the things she had seen. Why Alice hadn't seen her coming in her own visions._ _  
_

 _"I think so" she said with a shrug and a serious tone that revealed her uncertainty. "But I can't be sure of that" she added lowering her voice._

 _I let out a ragged breath trying to stop my mind from racing so I could focus back on what she was here for._

 _"what's wrong with her?" I asked, giving in to the situation. If this was true, and I had no reason to believe that it wasn't, I would need as much information as I could get from her._

 _"I don't know. But whatever it is, its strong." she offered with more fear in her voice then he was comfortable with hearing._ _  
_ _"Is she like you. Can she-?"_ _  
_ _"I'm not sure." she replied quickly cutting me off. "But right now. The pain is so overwhelming, that she can't get passed it. If she is like me, there has to be something more to it. Something bigger"_

 _Hours had passed and I was still sitting on the sofa with her, listening to a girl who could see the future, tell me about her sister. Tell me, how this girl I had never met would be the most important thing in my existence. She told me things about myself that no one knew and she assured there were no other options but to take everything she had to say with nothing but acceptance._ _  
_ _  
_ _"Why not just let it all play out? If you knew I would meet her then why are you here?" I questioned, wanting to get as many answers as I could before she left._ _  
_ _"Because you're leaving forks with your brothers and sisters, right?"_ _  
_

 _We had planned to leave Forks, we would be finishing High school in just a few months, there was no need to hang around. Though Esme and Carlisle had decided to stay behind for a few more years we had decided that we wanted to take some time to get away._ _  
_

 _I nodded to Anna in reply, waiting for her to continue._ _  
_ _"Your plan was to come back and visit and that's when you'd meet Bella. But it's to long. She'll be here for months all alone. I-I just cant have that. You need to stay. She'll need you."_ _  
_ _"Wont she have you?" I asked, wondering why her part in this plan was never brought up._ _  
_

 _"I'll be gone by then. But that doesn't matter. She doesn't need me, she needs you"_ _  
_

 _"How do you know I can help her. How could I?" I argued._ _  
_

 _"Because I seen it. You were together and you were happy. I don't know how you do it, but you save her. You need to remember that when it gets hard, when she tries to give up. It's going to be your job to protect her Edward" she pleaded, trying to keep her voice steady, though it broke painfully at the end._

 _I don't know why, but in that moment, I was scared. I barely knew Anna, but I didn't want to fail her, or her sister. And I was sure that fear was showing on my face as Anna looked at me. Her expression was filled with compassion and understanding, as though she could hear everything inside my head._ _  
_

 _"Everything's going to be ok, you can do this" she said reaching over to gently rub my arm, as her sweet smile returned._ _  
_

 _"Your gonna be so surprised" she added softly._ _  
_ _"At what?" I asked confused, wondering what she was leaving out of the story that would leave me shocked then I already was._

 _"At how quickly you fall in love with her. That part, it's going to be the easiest thing you ever do"_

 _My brow creased at the thought, as I watched her move closer. She took a hold of my hand, the warmth coming off her was so much stronger than I thought any human could handle. I had seen sick people with fevers that were killing them, even their temperatures didn't compare to her's. But Anna seemed healthy, she didn't look sick at all, she looked just like any other girl._ _  
_ _"Where are you going to be Anna? Why won't you be able to help me when she comes?" I asked, fearing I already had an idea of what the answer would be._ _  
_ _"I can tell you why. But you can't tell Bella. Not until your sure you have to."_

* * *

 ** _Edward POV (Present day)_**

I had tried to talk to her at the pharmacy. I tried again in the car park out side the grocery store. I came to her house and knocked on the door. I tied many times, but she always hid.  
It was an odd situation and one I felt ill-equipped to handle.  
Anna had told me that Bella knew I was in Forks, and I had to wonder if that was why Bella had kept herself locked away from the world. I had to assume that she just wasn't ready, that she was still grieving. So I followed her lead and stayed out of sight, all the while staying close by.

And while I hid, I realised just how was right Anna was.  
It was easy.  
I had fallen in love with her, weeks before I even spoke to her.  
It happened while while taking care of her, without her knowing.  
While picking her up of the ground and putting her in bed.

While staying by her side, until the sun rose, watching her sleep and finally seeing into her mind. But never anything but bright flashes of light and loud crashing noises, that reminded me of glass shattering.  
Though somehow, during all of this secrecy, my feeling emerged from no where.  
It didn't take force or complexities.

It just happened, it was without any doubt, the easiest thing I had ever done.  
But now I was bound to her and there was nothing I could do to help her.

At night when she slept, I began reading anything and everything, but nothing lined up with her. Nothing about Bella or Anna's situation made sense.  
Alice had told me that she had never seen Bella in her visions once. She was a blind spot, just as Anna was. I had been depending on Alice's abilities to help guide me through this, but that was no longer an option.

Carlisle and Esme had been helping me research, they had been calling on friends to ask if they had heard of something like this happening, that a human could have powers, or if there was something out there that appeared human, but wasn't.

But again, there was nothing, we were in the dark and by the looks on Bella's face, she had also been kept in the dark.

"Eight months ago" she repeated, her mind racing through thoughts I couldn't hear.

Though I could see Bella's brow creasing at the information. She looked as though she had been betrayed, reassuring me that Anna had not told her about the visit, the ones she had made to Forks in her final months of life.

"She wanted me to make sure I found you as quickly as possible" I added promptly, wanting the grim expression to fall from her face.  
"Why?" She asked rather coldly, dropping her eyes from mine and looking down at the carpet.

"She didn't want you to be alone Bella" I said quietly as my voice became brittle, watching as her eyes closed, willing the tears not to come.  
It was the truth.  
Not the whole truth.  
But it was much as Anna had told me tell her.

"You saw me in town right? After I first got her" she asked after a long moment of silence.  
I weakly smiled, "I did. For a second I thought.." I paused, wondering if it was the wrong thing to say.  
"I know I look like her, it's ok" she said quietly, lifting her gaze from the carpet to look at me as she spoke.  
That was the problem, she did look like her. I had seen a lot of identical twins before, but Bella looked so much Anna that it had me in shock.  
There were freckles in the same spots, her hair fell the same way, her eyes were the exact same shade of brown, I could go on and on.

The similarities were to much, it shouldn't have been so extreme. Though, as I watched Bella and talked to her, I could see that those similarities were only on the exterior.

"I tried to talk to you, but you seemed like you wanted to be alone. I thought maybe you needed more time"

She nodded in response, chewing her bottom lip as she looked at me.  
"But you've been here haven't you" she breathed out, looking around the room before settling her eyes back on me.  
"I just wanted to make sure you were ok-" I reasoned as she cut me off.  
"You don't even know me" she spat out, her words stumbling over one another as they left her mouth.  
I nodded and slightly smiled at Bella.

"Well, lets change that shall we"


	3. Chapter 3

**Bella** **'s POV (Flashback)**

 _I sat on the porch steps with her, watching her whole body tense more and more with every car that passed by.  
_ _"Are you sure it's today?" I asked when the hundredth car sped by our house.  
"I'm sure." she answered confidently, without taking her eyes of the street. _

_I watched as he knee bounced, revealing the obvious excitement that was flooding her body, making it impossible for her to sit still. I knew she couldn't help herself, but honestly , it was making me nervous and I wished she'd stop it._

 _I couldn't help but wonder what kind of difference this would really make in our lives. I contemplated telling her I was going inside, but she assured me that this was important. So even though the heat of the sun was beaming down on us and I could feel my cheeks burning, I stayed with her and waited for him to arrive._

 _It was late in the afternoon when the car finally arrived, pulling into the neighbours driveway._

 _She actually leaned forward, ready to rise to her feet, preparing to run over to complete stranger.  
I reached out and grabbed her arm, yanking her back.  
"Act normal" I spat as I began pulling her back down to her spot beside me._

 _She nodded, trying to remove the goofy grin from her face, trying to ply her bottom lip from her teeth. From there on we both pretended that we were casually sitting on the steps, enjoying the sun, rather then waiting for Max Anderson to finally emerge into our little world._

 _He hopped from the back seat, wiping the mop of messy blond hair away from his bright green eyes, revealing the freckles that were scattered across his nose and onto his cheeks.  
I rolled my eyes at Anna as she sighed heavily at the sight of the boy._

 _He was cute, there was no denying it, but 'the boy next door'? really? She was the most interesting person I had ever met and this was the route she was going to take.  
I couldn't help but examine him suspiciously, looking for flaws. Why would someone so incredibly average looking want to get caught up in this.  
"Perfect" Anna whispered to herself, flashing what I assumed was a smile of approval. _

_It was so easy for her. We were only nine when Max moved in next door, but with in weeks they were inseparable. And I fell in love with him right along with her, he was the brother I had always wanted.  
They were simple together, they fell into everything with a grace that I couldn't ever hope to obtain._

 _She was good with small talk, she was good with easing him into the weird situation.  
She was just good with people in general. She had friends, she was popular and funny and people wanted to be around Anna. I always wondered how could someone who I look exactly like, could be my exact opposite._

* * *

 **Edward** **'s** **POV (Present Day)**

We talked about books, movies, the weather. We talked about anything, other then what was actually happening and once again I followed her lead.

I played along. As if we were two people who just met a coffee shop. I did it because it was what she wanted. But it wasn't real, we both seem to be side stepping around the obvious questions that needed to be asked and answered. But I refused to bring it up until she was ready and right now it was very clear that there were things she didn't want to discuss.  
She didn't want to talk about was Anna.

She didn't want to talk about what I was.

And she didn't want to talk about what was going on inside of her.

And that was ok, I could handle all of it.

I had no problems with walking on egg shells around the obvious issues that were staring us in the face. But what I couldn't handle, was knowing that even when she decided to face all of this head on, I would have to do it knowing I lied to her.

I could see now why Anna had told me to keep things from her, it was obvious that Bella wasn't up for it. I was sure it would push her right over the edge and Anna must have seen that too.

It was easy making promises to Anna, at the time I didn't know Bella. I didn't know what this would feel like. Now that I did, I felt sick at the thought of being deceitful. Even if it was completely necessary.

I watched her closely as she spoke about her favourite book, explaining the plot in detail and telling me about her favourite characters. All the while I was wondering why the sweltering heat that radiated from her, seemed to be draining the life from her. Though Anna had appeared to be perfectly comfortable with it. Though I never witnessed Anna's temperature rise this high.

"Have you read it?" she asked as her tough facade began to falter before my eyes.  
I shook my head in reply, unable to stop myself from watching her every movement, listening to every beat of her heart, wondering how she was still conscious when she was obviously struggling the make it through every second.

There was a slight tremor that ran through every one of her limbs, especially her hands. But she seemed to be used to what ever she was feeling,

that was a horrible realisation.

This was Bella's life, her existence was a continuous trial and I had promised to help fix that. But there was only one way I could think to achieve that goal. But I also began to wonder if that would help. She was unprecedented, so how could I be sure that changing her would help, there was a possibility that it could make it worse. What's inside only grows stronger when you change and I feared what would happen if this thing was given more power then it already had.

"I don't know where I put it. I know I packed it"  
She looked around her room at the boxes that were piled everywhere, biting her lip, searching for something that would help her recall the books location.

"I could help you unpack if you want" I offered, watching as the suggestion quickly made her tense.  
She shook her head and forced an unconvincing smile. "It's stupid anyway" she added quickly as she nervously rubbed her arm.

"I'm sure it's not" I said confidently, Bella seemed like very intelligent person and it was hard to believe that she would waste her time on poorly written literature.  
I watched as a soft blush spread over her cheeks from the simple comment, while wondering what I had to do to see her real actual smile instead of the one she forced, the one she had created to assure people she was ok.

"Do you-… Maybe wanna watch a movie or something? Unless you need to go" she asked gesturing to the TV, seemingly the only thing she had bothered unpacking.

"I'd like that"

I watched as she shifted over on the mattress making room for me, silently pausing and waiting for me to make a move to her side.  
I don't know why, but I hesitated, as if I was taking a step into something I was unprepared for and this movement would assure I was forever tied to her.  
 _Who am I kidding? It's already done._  
I took a deep breathe and nodded to myself as I moved to my assigned spot, settling next to her, wondering if I was to close as she flicked the TV on with the remote. Then I wondered if I should give in and move closer to her.  
There might as well have been an elastic band around us, and I could feel that more then ever as I sat next to her.

* * *

 _ **Bella**_ _ **'s POV (Flashback)**_

 _I glanced over at her, she hadn't moved in almost 20 minutes and it was obvious what was going on. She was mid sentence when she suddenly froze, starring out to the water where Max was surfing. This was a daily occurrence, one that I was very used to, so though I kept an eye on her, I also followed on with what I was doing.  
"Ugh" she finally spat out before turning to me, her face full of distaste as she looked at me.  
"What?" I asked as I continued to pull my sweater from my bag._

" _Oh Isabella" she said with a sardonic expression.  
"Oh what Annabelle?" I said sarcastically as I pulled my oversized sweater on._

 _An hour later I found myself wishing I could fall into a hole in the ground. Maybe drown myself in the ocean. Anything to escape this awkward torture.  
_

 _They sat in the sand in front of me, becoming more and more frustrated by the second. While I became more and more angered by their pestering.  
"This. Is. Stupid." I growled, crossing my arms._

 _"Its called small talk, its not stupid" she snapped, when she realised I was ready to completely give up on the weird lesson they were enforcing._

 _"Yes it is. Why is this even necessary" I pleaded, wanting this to end._

 _"Cause silence is weird. You cant get to know someone without talking" Max added, making me roll my eyes._

 _They continued to pester me, as they had been for the last hour, trying to teach me how to talk to boys,…. well, even just how to socialise with a human who wasn't my sister or her boyfriend.  
_

" _Here, try on me" Max said, angling himself, so he was looking at me straight on.  
_

" _Good idea" Anna chimed eagerly, as my mouth dropped open.  
_

" _Yeah cause this isn't weird" I said, repelling from the idea of using Max to work on my non-existence flirting skills.  
"Come on! Stop being a brat" Max said, as though I was the one who was being completely irrational.  
Max stuck his hand out and I stared at it, wondering what was going on._

" _I'm Edward" he said before tilting his head back to face Anna. "That's the guys name right?" He asked, watching as Anna nodded with her sights still locked on me._

 _Max turned back to face me, his hand still extended, raising his brow when I remained stunned and unmoving._

" _There's something so very wrong with the two of you"_

* * *

 **Edward** **'** **s POV (Present day)**

We talked all night, though at times I could tell she was forcing herself to carry on a conversation. She was leaning into the headboard next to me when she started to fall asleep.  
She struggled to keep her eyes open as the movie came to an end, but her exhaustion began to take over.

I stayed quiet and let her drift off, knowing she had to be exhausted. I was relaxing back, watching the movie, when her eyes suddenly snapped open and fixed on me instantly. She looked over to me with fear flooding her expression, no matter how much she tried to hide it.  
"Are you staying?" she asked, trying to keep her tone casual.  
I didn't have to wonder if she was asking because the idea made her uncomfortable, it was clear, she was afraid I would I go and it made my heart ache to hear the fear in her voice.

"Of course Bella. You can sleep now, I'll be here when you wake up"

She relaxed back into the mattress and slowly drifted of, unaware that the more she sunk into unconsciousness, the closer she moved over to me.  
By the time she was fully asleep, she was leaning into my side and not long after that she began crawling onto my chest. She pressed her burning skin into mine, as if she was seeking relief from the blistering heat. A part of me thought about getting up from the bed and sitting in the chair, as I usually did when she slept. But the urge to ease any discomfort she was in, was so much stronger than any other part of me. So I pulled her closer and wrapped my arms around her, and she buried her face into my neck.

The bursts of light began emitting from Bella's mind as she rested into me, just as they always did. And just like every other night, they didn't make sense or take any form, but it didn't stop me from trying to see what they meant, if anything.  
Sometimes her body would jolt or her hands would clench into fists, but her dreams of bursting light never seemed to disturb her sleep enough to wake her. Still I had to wonder if they caused her pain. But I feared Bella was so used to pain that she had learned to cope with it. The thought made my arms curl around her.

* * *

It was 7am when Bella woke and sprung up from my chest where she had stayed all night, she quickly pushed herself up and looked down at me. I thought she would be uncomfortable or uneasy, but she wasn't, instead she looked into my eyes and smiled. That was the first time I saw her do that.

"Your skin. It's like ice" she whispered with her fingers still lingering on my chest.  
I froze waiting to see if that fact scared her, but quickly realising I was the one who was uneasy.  
"It's really nice" she said softly, her whole body seemingly relaxing at the thought. Her gaze held mine, and I wondered why she seemed so comforted by it, why the inhuman element seemed to ease the tension that had been between us. She dropped her head down and widened her smile, before lifting herself up from the bed.  
I watched as she walked over to one of the suitcases and shuffled through it, pulling out a packet of pills.  
I knew right then that I couldn't leave it any longer, not this part. I sat up and rubbed at my neck as she shuffled through her things.

"Bella, you know what I am right" I asked cautiously, hoping that Anna hadn't left that part out.

She stopped and looked over at me, she seemed so much more comfortable then she had the day before, it was almost unnerving.  
Her brow furrowed slightly, but her smile never faltered.  
"Of course" she said faintly and calmly, as if I was she was trying to sooth me.  
"It's ok" she added dropping her head slightly to align her eyes with mine.

A part of me wanted her to say it out loud, just to be sure we were on the same page, because she seemed far to nonchalant about the whole thing. But that thought was quickly proved unnecessary.

"I'm going to make some breakfast" she said throwing down one of the pills following it by a glass of water that was on the nightstand near me.  
"I'd offer you something to eat, but I'm the only living thing here" she said throwing me cheeky grin before she turned to leave the bedroom.  
"Good one" I said still trying to compose myself as I assessed her non-reaction.  
"Thank you, thank you, I'm here all week" she said sarcastically as she made her way down the hallway.

I sat at the dining room table watching as she cooked herself some eggs. She hadn't spoken but I could hear her lightly humming to herself as she prepared her meal, leaving me to wonder what the familiar tune was.  
She sat across from me and started to slowly eat, she focused on the food, moving pieces around with her fork as she spoke.

"Do you have somewhere you need to be?" she said with a nervous edge to her words, just as there was last night, when she asked if I was going to stay with her.

"No. I'm not gonna leave unless you ask me to" I said, watching as her body relaxed, her eyes briefly closing as she took in the information, before sliding her lower lip into her teeth as she was trying to hide the emerging smile.

"Well, what should we do?" she asked still trying to keep her tone light and casual as she took another bite of her breakfast.

"Whatever you want Bella"

* * *

 **One month later**

There were sweet moments that shook my world, there were calm moments that would have seemed insignificant to anyone watching. But all of it had made me hold my breath and caused my hands to shake nervously. It was caused by small things like feeling her moving close to me, leaning her head on my shoulder, making her laugh and smile.

Then their were the big things, like kissing her, holding her hand and pulling her into my arms every night, not because her skin was burning and I wanted to offer her some relief, but because I wanted to be as close to her a humanly possible.

All these things were life altering. Just being with her and learning about her was everything. Anna was right, Bella was the most important thing I'd ever had in my grasps.

But in amongst this heaven there were days of hell, days that broke me down to my very core.

Days that ripped at my heart until I was sure it had been broken beyond repair.

Days like this one, that would be forever burnt into my mind.

She laid across the lounge with her legs draped over my lap and my hand rested on the bare skin of her ankle, rubbing my thumb over it. There was a calmness in the air, something I tried to maintain because Bella like the feel of it.

"Have you been there?" she asked dropping a tourism brochure that I had pulled from the mail, talking about all the events taking place in the area.

"Port Angela's?" I clarified, receiving a nod. "Many times. It's not bad" I added leaning further back into the sofa.  
"We should go. There aren't to many stores in Forks"  
I got far to excited about the idea, not because I wanted to go shopping but because she hadn't left the house in weeks. It was worrying that she seemed as though she was afraid to live her life beyond the walls.

"What did you need there? They have a pretty good book store" I said with far to much enthusiasm, making her laugh.

The giggling continued to erupt from her as she spoke before the sound was completely extinguished. "That sounds good. I also need to-…."

I watched as her gaze fell from mine and her eyes widened. She didn't have to tell me it was coming. I could see it in her eyes.

Within seconds her breathing turned to a rough and laboured pant, and one of her hands grabbed onto her chest as if something was choking her. I slid out from under her and knelt down beside her. I focused on her quickly changing expression, trying to remember that I had to stay calm, because my panic would do her no good.  
"Talk to me Bella" I begged as I hovered over her, running my hand through her hair trying to console her.

I could see that she was trying to form words but nothing but ragged sounds erupted, never forming into words.

Suddenly her screams erupted, making me wince, not only from the gut wrenching sound but knowing that something was coming, something that I didn't know how to matter how many times I had been with her through this, it always seemed different, but it was always varying stages of torment and pain.

There was no strategy or game plan, it was just me, trying to help her get through this, in any way possible. But what I could actually do for her was close to nothing.

Sometimes it came on fast, others it took hours to fully engross her. But I knew when she started burn up beyond belief that everything would hit in a matter of seconds.

This was what I called _stage one_.

I picked her up from the couch and took her upstairs.

First I took her into her bedroom and laid her down while I grabbed the pills she usually took. I did this because I had seen her do it when the episodes started, even though they didn't seem to help.

They were fever reducers and heavy painkillers, but the pain still came and her fever still raged on.

I sat her up and pulled her into my chest, helping her force them down between the sobs that escaped her.  
I soothed back her hair as she began screaming and her body jolted back into me.

As my hand touched her brow I could feel the sweat beginning to fall from her, as her body quickly began to burn up in my arms.

Without a second passing I lifted her of the bed and carried her into the bathroom, turning the shower on and stepping into it, holding her under the cold water. She nodded into my chest as her agonised cries took over the small space.  
I felt her hands gripping the fabric of my shirt, pulling at it until she had ripped the fabric.

I could look at her and see what was coming now, and with the realisation I slowly lowered us both down to the showers floor. I could see her slipping into _stage two_ and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening.

During this _stage_ she could no longer hear me, it wasn't her screams that blocked me out. It was the overwhelming pain that consumed every part of her until she became delirious. This was when I held her as close as I could, hoping that on some level she would know that I was here with her.

She would grab at her skin as if she was trying to pull something out, something that was stabbing at her from inside. She clawed at her arms, her chest and neck, trying to physically pull the pain from her body with her fingers.

All I could do was shield her from the scratching she wanted to inflict. I let her tare at my skin. She clawed at my hands as they blocked her from the damage she warranted to do to herself.

Hours passed like this, holding her under cold water, watching her body thrash around in my arms as she screamed and screamed, pleading with her own body to stop.  
She didn't deserve this, no one deserved this.

Her cries were filled with nothing but an inescapable agony, a pain so intense that she lost all reason, all sense of her surrounding, she lost everything that she was, until there was nothing in my arms but an unrecognisable shell of the girl that I knew.

I sat on the wet tiles, with her on my lap, trying to keep her safe from herself, trying to stop her from digging her fingers into her skin, as the deafening screams began to slow down. It wasn't because the pain was subsiding, it was from nothing but exhaustion. Her body could only keep up with the physical toll of the episode for so long, before it eventually gave in and stopped trying to fight it.

This was when _stage three_ started and would only end with her eventually passing out.

She weakly wept in my arms and her whole body went limp.

"It's ok, your gonna be ok" I repeated over and over again, as I lifted her up and took her to her room, feeling her clothes beginning to dry before I had even laid her down on the mattress.

I grabbed my phone and quickly sent Carlisle a message.

I knew that he and Esme were out hunting and that he wouldn't be able to get here for some time,

but I also knew there was nothing he could do for her.

But still, I hadn't been unable to stop myself calling him each time.

Over the previous weeks I had asked for his help more times than I could count. He had tried everything, every drug he could think of, every exercise, every therapy, but nothing ever worked.

Every one in my family were committed to finding a solution.

The problem was, the deeper we dug, the more we realised just how far away we were from fixing this.

Bella had only met Carlisle. It was quickly decided that it was in her best interest, for the time being, to keep her away from everyone else.

When Alice realised that she could no longer see my future and sometimes Carlisle's, It was obvious that Bella was the cause.

We now ran the risk of Bella blocking Alice from seeing more of us in her visions. So we had decided that it was best that they stay away, at least until we could figure out a plan. We needed every advantage we had and Alice's visions of someone else in our family could prove helpful.  
My brothers and sisters were all still in Alaska and had no plan on returning. There was no real point, they couldn't do anything here that they weren't doing there.

She laid on her side clutching the blanket into her fist. I quickly moved onto the bed and laid down on my side to face her, running my hands through her hair as the weak and faint sobs hopelessly fell from her.

"Please don't leave me" her breathless words mixed in with her cries and I moved closer, pressing my brow lightly to hers.  
"I'm not going anywhere Bella. I'm not going to leave you" I promised as I placed my hand onto her cheek.  
"I don't want to loose you"

Her grating and rough voice scraped through her teeth as the pain continued to spread viciously through her, making it impossible for her to talk without the words stammering.  
"Your not alone" I said forcefully, hoping the strong tone would enforce the sincerity behind what I was saying.  
"I'm right here" I promised as I moved even closer to her.

I had to fight the urge to pull her into my arms and hold her, I had to settle for lightly pressing my body to hers and softly running my fingers over her arm, through her hair and over her face.

The convulsions that her body had endured, left her muscles weak and sore after her episodes, leaving me with very few ways to physically comfort her, no matter how much I knew she craved them, to ensure that she was not going to be left alone and defenceless.

I had not left her since that first day, I had never said I would leave her, or given her any reason to think I wanted to. But she always said this, as soon as she was able to talk, she always pleaded with me not to go, not to leave her here. As if I would somehow decide that this was to much to handle and simply walk away. I wondered constantly how she could ever think that I could do such a thing.  
At first I thought that it was because of Anna, because she had been left alone after Anna died, but even that didn't feel right. I was sure there was more to it.

This part, this horribly heartbreaking part of Bella. This inexcusable horror that she had been born with, would never be a reason for leaving her and it wasn't Anna reason for dying.  
This was a complication, a dark and painful complication that I would eventually help her fix. I would work at this until we could make it better for her. Just as Anna would have done, if she had the chance.

"Shh it's ok, go to sleep" I whispered when I saw her struggling to keep her eyes from closing.

She was completely drained of energy, though she continued to silently cry as she finally fell asleep.

I hummed her favourite tune, hoping she would hear it even in her unconsciousness, letting her know that she wasn't alone, that I was still right here with her.

The flashes of light began, letting me know that she was fully asleep and I focused on them, as I always did, always waiting for them to make some sense.  
I could tell by the steadying of her heartbeat and breaths that it was finally coming to an end.

I glanced over her shoulder to the clock on the wall, tightening my jaw and glaring when I saw the time, as if it were the clocks fault that so many hours had passed, as if it was to blame that she had to endure so much for so long.

I lightly kissed her cheek and slowly began wiping the new drops of seat that were forming on her brow, when I heard Carlisle quietly make his way into the house.

I remained still until he made his way into the bedroom, not wanting to move from her side until it was absolutely necessary.

* * *

 **A/N:**

There is a link in my bio to a trailer for this fanfic. I like to make them for fun. I know this chapter skips over the establishing of Bella and Edward's relationship, but it really was just so we could get into the story.

 **Comment, Favs and follows are really appreciated.**


	4. Chapter 4

**_Edward_** ** _'s POV_**

I sat in the armchair by the window and watched as he set up the IV, its intention was to hydrate her after the high temperatures she had endured. Bella said it helped her recover quicker, so we always had it ready to administer as soon as it was safe to do so. Right now, it was all we could do.

"How long did it last?" Carlisle asked as he began checking Bella's vitals.

"Seven hours" I replied, leaning my elbows into my knees and burying my face into my open palms.  
Seven whole hours. It was to long.

Seven hours of chaos and torment moving through her with out mercy. I don't know how she got through this over and over again without going mad. I could still hear her screams in my head, hear her pleading with me to stay with her. I could still feel her burning in my arms as the cold water washed over us. These memories would forever be apart of me now, there was no way to bury the feeling of helplessness and fear that had built while witnessing that torture.

"Were going to figure this out Edward" Carlisle said, as I nodded into my open palms.

I had to agree, there was no giving up and no chance I would stop trying, but it looked so hopeless.

Anna never gave me any idea of what I was supposed to do.

She had visions of Bella happy and healthy, but I had to wonder now, if they were they just good days that she had caught glimpses of, were they just fleeting moments that she saw when I had made her laugh. Maybe Anna had just seen Bella happy and it had made it look like everything was ok. I had seen this. Even this morning when she was on the couch with me, laughing and smiling. She looked fine, she looked happy, before it was all taken away. But even these thoughts were something Anna had warned me about. I couldn't give up.

"Have you thought more about the other option" Carlisle questioned as he jotted something down in his notebook.

"It's all I think about" I said quietly, dragging my face from my palms to look at him.

"Have you talked to Bella about it?" Carlisle asked carefully, knowing that it was a touchy subject.

I shook my head in response.

No, I hadn't asked her is she wanted me to kill her.

If she wanted me to turn her into a monster.

In truth, I wanted to do both those things. I wanted to soak her blood in my venom, not to kill her, but to kill what ever it was inside of her. This thing that was putting her through all of this pain, deserved to die. I felt like I was fighting a demon, one that I wanted dead. But it lived inside of the only thing I had ever loved.

I shook my head as the question formed itself in Carlisle's mind.

"Maybe you should-"  
"I don't want to ask her yet." I said quickly cutting him off. "Not until were sure that It will help. It could just hurt her more….and then I would have to-" I stopped as the painful thought entered my mind.  
"We'll keep researching " he said nodding his head, knowing my plausible concerns.

I kept my gaze locked on her as he moved from her side and over to mine.  
"Call me if you need me son" he added, placing his hand on my should as he passed, lightly squeezing it, before he left the me alone with her.

Carlisle never lingered long, it was always a short visit. I could feel the urgency radiating off him. He was always in a hurry to leave, so he could go back to researching and tracking down other vampires who may have seen this before.  
I often wondered, if it was only because he wanted to help Bella - if that was why his focus on this was so relentless. Or was it in part, because he feared my reaction to loosing her. My own mind couldn't grasp what I would do if I failed to save her, but I feared his could imagine what such a loss would do to me.

I sat starring at her, watching her sleep. My mind raced as the flashes began, though there was nothing new about them as usual. Lately I had been trying to ignore them, but the task was almost impossible.

I tried to focus on the book in front of me, along with two beside it, that helped me translate. Though I found I was needing them less and less. Soon they would be added to the pile of books I used to translate Coptic and Sumerian cuneiform. The thought brought on a wave of nausea. I had learned new languages before, but the sense of pride that usually followed was nonexistent. Now they only equated to wasted time. Now each new language that entered my mind, only added to my failure to help her.

I sat at her desk and began going through copies of articles, photos, inscriptions, documents, ancient scrolls and essays. I sought out papers that I knew had nothing to do with Bella's case, just in the hopes they would hold a shred of a clue.

I read all through the night, finding nothing but a bunch of new references to more books that I would need to track down. But nothing that even hinted at Bella or Anna's situation.

As the sun started to rise I noticed her start to shift in her bed. I quietly made my way over and climbed in next to her. I moved close to her side and lightly wrapped my arm around her, listening to her lightly hum in response. She often made this sound of approval when got close to her. The thing was, I was unsure if it was because of my presence or body temperature. Either way, I couldn't help but be pulled in by her desire to be close to me.

Her head turned and pressed into me, nuzzling into my chest, making my breath hitch when I noticed her start lift her arm.  
I placed my fingers lightly on her hand, stopping her from attempting to wrap it around me. I gently held it in place while her eyes fluttered open. Her gaze instantly focused on what was stopping her from getting closer to me.  
As she took in the sight of the drip, her body relaxed in place and her head dropped back into my chest.  
"Is he still here?" she mumbled, still half asleep.  
"No. He left last night." I whispered, hoping not to excite her to much, I wanted to keep her calm so that she might be able to fall back to sleep easily.

She nodded as I continued to sooth her hair back, until her whole form changed in my arms, becoming still and tense. I could feel a slight tremor running through her muscles, vibrating into me, this was nothing out of the usual, there was always a slight shake in her form after the episodes, but this shake felt different.

I pulled back slightly and placed my hand on the side of her face, lifting her chin so I could look in her eyes.  
"What is it?" I questioned, letting the concern flood my voice as her glassy eyes raised to me meet mine. There was no point in trying to to hide the _worry_ behind my words, so I didn't bother trying.

"Lat night?..What-..I mean…What time is it now?" she stuttered out, though I didn't understand why the information had made her so anxious.  
"Around 6 am."  
It was obvious from the shock on her face, that she had mistaken the faint light in the room for the sun setting instead of rising.  
Her eyes danced around, taking in the information as she obviously worked to calm herself down.  
"Hey. Are you ok" I asked before placing a kiss on her cheek, trying to gain her attention and pull her back from the nervous state she was falling into.

She struggled to hold back the tears that had formed, even though she knew I could see them glistening and waiting to spill out onto her cheeks as soon as she blinked.

"I'm fine" she said through a horribly strained voice, one that was still raw from hours of screaming and crying. But her condition had nothing to do with her words sounding so horribly broken.

I let my hand slowly fall from her face, noticing how she watched me cautiously as I pulled back from her.

I wished I knew what she thought was going to happen right now. Why she looked at me like I was always on the verge of running from her.  
It was supposed to be the other way around. I was the monster here, not her. I was the the dangerous one. So why did she look at me as if she were.

I couldn't bare it.

I reached over her and she froze as I slowly removed the drip from her arm. She watched as it slipped from her skin, as got the band-aid from the bedside table and placed it on her.

Our eyes were locked with each others as I got back onto my side of the bed, both of us wondering what the other was thinking. But I wouldn't leave her wondering for long, because there was something I had been longing to do all night.

I reached over to her, taking a hold of her waist and carefully placed her onto my lap in one swift movement, before wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into my chest.

I planted a kiss in her hair before I rested my chin on her head and felt her hand grab a fist full of shirt, clinging to the fabric for a second until her hand suddenly loosened. She ran her fingers over the rip in my shirt that she had made yesterday during the episode. She lightly traced the tear starring at it as the tears gave in and fell onto her cheeks.  
"I ruined it" She barely whispered, each word scratching out her throat as if she was struggling not to completely fall apart.

"It's just a shirt" I reasoned, as I titled my head to the side to see her face.

"I'm not talking about the shirt" she said despondent tone, with her eyes still locked on the tear in the fabric of my shirt.

I placed my hand on the side of her face, moving my thumb over her cheek to wipe away the tears that had escaped.

"No. You didn't" I assured her before I planted another kiss in her hair and pulled her as close as I could. Knowing no words I could say would help her believe otherwise. All I could do was prove that I wasn't going anywhere and the only way I could make her see that was to stay by her side.  
We'd been happy yesterday, that was true, but Bella was not to blame for the turn things had taken and it hurt to think she believed that she was.

* * *

She laid across the couch leaning into my chest, watching the old black and white movie as I continued to read.  
It was the second time she had watched Casablanca this week. I suspected she was only watching it out of boredom. Possibly she didn't find anything else that took her interest. But those thoughts were demolished when I watched her. She stared at the screen as if she hadn't seen it before, concentrating on every scene. Though her expression showed that she was not impressed with what she was seeing. She was a hard person to read and an even harder person to understand. But I had time. I hoped I did anyway.

Half way through the movie I had had finished the book I was reading and dropped it on the small coffee table beside me with a light thud.

I suppressed a growl over the useless text and shook my head. I looked down to see the same annoyed expression on her face as she focused on the screen.

"Do you even like this movie?"  
"Not really" she said quietly, not taking her eyes of the screen as she answered.

I was ready to question her further when the house-phone rang.

As always, Bella made no attempt to move and I knew from previous experience, there was no point in going to answer it for her.

Only one person ever called the house and Bella never answered it once.  
Ranee's overly cheery voice filled the house, as the answering machine recorded her message, asking Bella to call as soon as she could. But Bella never showed any interest in the phone call.

Her eyes were still stuck on a movie she admitted to not even liking.

There were slight changes in her face and posture, her shoulders tensed and jaw tightened, but she refused to acknowledge the call or me watching her, though she was obviously aware of both.

Bella called her mother on Sunday nights, for no more then 20 minutes at a time, always making up an excuse to get off the phone as soon as possible and her mother never seemed to put up much of a fight.

It being Friday, I knew there was no point to question her, she had set this schedule in place for a reason I couldn't comprehend.

In the small amount of time that I had known Bella, one thing I was one hundred percent sure of, was that anything that happened before she came to forks was a _'no go'_ zone.

She didn't want to talk about her mother,

about Phil,

Anna,

or the accident that led to her death.

And really, what choice did I have but to respect that. I couldn't drag it out of her, I couldn't make her tell me something she didn't want to talk about.

Even though I was sure these things were festering inside of her. I was sure I could see them behind her eyes, begging to be released.

I was sure they kept her from getting closer to me, as if they were a barrier between us.

It always reminded me of the boxes that still filled the house, ones she refused to even open, and go through. They too, were full of things that dragged her down, but she refused to let me help her unpack them.

* * *

I sat at the desk frowning at the page. Realising this was it...It had happened again.

Even as Bella entered the room, moving around it quietly, brushing her hair as she went through her things, I still couldn't lift my sights from the page.

Just as the internal panic started to rise in my chest, she appeared behind me, her hand resting on my shoulder as she leaned over me, planting soft kiss on my neck before resting her chin into the crook of my shoulder.  
"What language is that?" she asked, puzzled as she looked over the page.  
"Aramaic" I said as I closed the book and turned to face her, watching her brow raise.

"You know Aramaic?" she questioned as she lowered herself onto my lap.  
I forced a smile and nodded in reply, hoping she couldn't sense my distress.

 _Because now I did know Aramaic._

As of right now the translation book was deemed useless and it would be added to the pile. That thought made me feel like I was suffocating.

Before I could finish my distressing thought, her fingers ran through my hair and my eyes closed at the soft touch. I sat still as her hands slowly made their way to my neck where they rested.

"Are you ok Edward?" she said carefully, her eyes holding a deep rooted concern, letting me know she could see straight through me to the fear that had taken up a permanent residence in my head.

"Don't worry about me" I urged as I folded my arms round her, smiling and hoping to assure her I was indeed fine.

She looked at me and chewed her lip with an almost guilty expression, but I had no idea why. Suddenly she lifted up to her feet, leaving me stunned by the unexpected movement.

"It's still early, we should get out of here" she said far to quickly, as she began looking around the bedroom. I felt my mouth hanging open, trying to understand what she was talking about.

I watched as she grabbed her coat and bag.

"You wanna go out?" I questioned.

"Yeah, let's go" she said as she started going through her bag assessing its contents.

"Your still recovering, we should wait until-"

"I'm fine" she said with an exasperated laugh a she cut me off, disregarding my obvious anxiety as if it was uncalled for.

I sat still, looking her over, trying to figure out why she felt the sudden need to get out of here when we hadn't gone anywhere in weeks. Also trying to figure out why she was in such a hurry to do so.

"Come on" she said making her way to the door way, she grabbed my jacket from the dresser and tossed it to me before she left the room, leaving my no other option but to follow her nervously.

* * *

"Where are we going?" I asked as I pulled the car from the driveway in to the empty street her house resided on.

"Port Angelas" she responded with enthusiasm as she turned the radio on.

I was sure she was aware of the nervous wreck that I was right now. I was far to worried about her health to be out here, but she completely ignored my reaction to the spontaneous trip she decided was necessary.

I rubbed anxiously at my neck as I drove, looking in her direction far more then I was at the road.

She distracted herself with the radio, flicking through stations until she found one that in no way matched any music that I had ever heard her listen to before. It was upbeat pop music and at one point I even heard her sing along to one of the songs.

By the time we left Forks I was ready to turn around, this had to be a bad idea. This had to be irresponsible. I wanted to voice my concerns to her, at least try to get an explanation from her.  
I looked over at her as she wound the window down and let the cool breeze wisp through the car, hitting her face and blowing her hair. That's when it happened, it was small and most likely insignificant,

she closed her eyes,

she leaned back into her seat with a sweet smile on her face that was brought on by what ever had crept into her mind.

She turned to face me as her eyes opened and the sweet smile was replaced with an audacious one that was oddly alluring.  
"So…This thing go any faster?"

I didn't understand what we were doing out here. I didn't know her well enough to know what was going on in her head. But what I do know is that she deserved to be happy for as long as she could be, before everything fell apart again. I wanted that for her.

I smiled back and slowly began pressing my foot down, making her laugh out in an excited squeal that I had never heard her make before. It was enough to make me laugh as the sound surrounded me. As the car sped down the road, the sound only got louder as the car got faster.

* * *

I headed up the alleyway with her, hand in hand. We walked slowly in the direction of the book store when she suddenly stopped in her tracks, her tightened grip stopping me along with her.  
For a split second I thought something was wrong, I had a moment to scold myself for not convincing her to stay home and rest, but as I turned I saw her face I knew my worry was unnecessary.  
She looked up at me with a smile the was glowing from the distant street lights and the sight was enough to make my whole body hum.

"What is it?" I questioned with a slight laugh running through my words, unable to help myself from returning her contagious smile.

Her free hand slowly glided up my arms, not stopping until it was firmly placed on my neck, pulling me down to her. I don't know what brought it on, but her intention was clear.

She looked longingly into my eyes for a long moment, her smile unwavering as she rose up onto the tips of her toes to align her eyes with mine.  
She had moved so slowly that it made every second feel like hours until she tilted her head and brought her lips to mine and I felt every muscle in my body tighten.

Her hand untangled from mine to join the other around my neck, as mine found her waist and pulled her closer.

I felt her lips part and finally realised why this particular kiss was making me so tense.

I had kissed Bella before, but they were quick chased kisses that lasted no more then a few seconds.

The first time I had kissed her we were on the on the back porch.

She sat on the steps beside me, the sun beaming down on us while she held my hand in hers, watching the way the light hit my skin. We had sat there for hours and she never seemed to grow tired of the sight.

I had been thinking about kissing her for so long that I had reached the point where it was almost driving me crazy.

There was a _want_ , a _need_ to do it.

But painfully twisted into that _want and need_ , was a horrible fear that plagued all of the sweet thoughts and desires.

I didn't know if I could be that close to her, I didn't know if I had that kind of control. I didn't know if I was strong enough to keep my animal instincts from creeping into the action.

In the end, she was human and every time her scent surrounded me I was reminded of that very fact. But the one thing that was stronger then that primal urge, was the driving need to protect her. I had to trust that.

I had whispered her name and she looked up at me as she hummed in response. She had seemed to sense the change in the air around us, staying still as I moved closer to her. I remembered how her cheeks had flushed before my lips had even found hers.

But that kiss was nothing like this.

Right now I had lost control, but it happened in a way that I had never expected. It happened in a very human way, that I didn't know I was even capable of.

She had pulled me a few steps back, until she was pressed in between the wall and me. I moved as close to her as I could, without a second thought.

Her hands ran through my hair, lightly knotting her fingers into it. My hand had moved to her hip, while the over slid around her waist, slowly moving up her shirt onto the bare skin of her lower back.

I couldn't imagine thinking about anything else but what was happening, about her hands on me and mine on her, about her lips pressed to mine.

All of the thoughts of what _could_ happen disappeared, they were replaced with nothing but a craving to get closer to her.  
I could hear footsteps approaching and the distant thoughts of the people making their way towards us, but even that had been moved to the back of my mind, until their light giggles caused Bella to turn her head towards the sound.

"So cute" was all the women said as she quickly passed with her husband. The unexpected audience caused Bella to press her face into my chest and laugh loudly, before looking up at me to shake her head as her cheeks quickly flushed brighter then they had before.

* * *

I stood behind her with my arms wrapped around her waist and my head resting on her shoulder, watching as she flicked through the pages of the book. The calm moment I had been in with her allowed my mind to wonder, that was when the memory jumped into my head and formed into a thought that I could not ignore.  
It was something I had been thinking about while she was unconscious, after her most recent episode.

 _\- I want to soak her blood in my venom, not to kill her, but to kill what ever it was inside of her,this thing that was putting her through all of this pain. I felt like I was fighting a demon, one that I wanted dead._

It led me to a ludicrous notion, one that had no place in this setting. She was happy, I was happy. But the constant fear of it all being taken away in a split second made it near impossible to let myself get enthralled in the book that she seemed so attracted to.

"I'll be right back" I whispered in her ear before planting a soft kiss on her neck. She hummed in response, never letting her gaze leave the page.

I felt foolish as I approached the counter, but for some reason in amongst that was an overwhelming sense of betrayal, as if thinking such a thing about her was an insult in its self.

"I'm doing some research for a…. essay. I was wondering if you could see if you have any copies of some books for me"

The man nodded and seemed to sense my uneasiness as I looked over my shoulder to see if Bella was still distracted.  
"Jot them down and I'll see what I can do" he said sliding a pencil and a scrap of paper across the counter to me. I couldn't bring myself to say the titles out aloud, especially not with her so close by. I didn't want to ask Carlisle to get them for me because he would think it was as ridiculous as I did. But there was stone that had been left unturned and I couldn't have that.

So I began writing, occasionally glancing up to see the uneasy expression on the store owners face as the list grew.

 _THE LESSER KEY OF SOLOMON_

 _THE ARS GOETIA_

 _DICTIONNAIRE INFERNAL_

 _PSEUDOMONARCHIA DAEMONUM_

 _LE LIVRE DES ESPERITZ_

 _D_ _EMONIC_ _P_ _OSSESSION_ _, E_ _XORCISM_ _,_ _& WITCHCRAFT_

I Gave the list to the shop owner and watched as he eyed me speciously for a second, before deciding that I didn't look like the kind of kid that was involved in a satanic cult.

I walked back down the isle to find her sitting on the ground with three books in a pile beside her and one in her hand that she was engrossed in. I smiled at the sight as sat down beside her, watching as she looked up at me with a frustrated expression.

"I don't know which one to get" she admitted, clutching the book in her hands while glancing down at the collection beside her. I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head.

"You don't have to, we can get them all"  
She mirrored me and shook her head in return. "It's to much. Maybe I'll just-"

"Stop" I said cutting her off and moving close to her plant another kiss on her cheek. She bit her lip and blushed once more, dropping her head.  
"So what do we have?" I asked picking up one of the books from her collection.

I listened as she explained her interest in each of her choices, before she decided that it was time to go.  
I put her pile of books on the counter and watched at the store owner placed the already full bag on the counter alongside them.  
"What did you get?" she questioned casually as her hand slid into mine.  
"More research" I responded with a forced smile. It wasn't a lie, but it had festered inside of me as if it was.

* * *

On Sunday night she sat by my side watching Citizen Kane, I briefly wondered if she was aware they made movies after the 1940's, before I actually started getting engrossed in the story.

We were only half way through when I noticed how rigid she had become next to me. She had slowly drifted from my side and was now sitting on the edge of the couch.  
I don't know why she reacted like this, why the task brought on so much stress. But I aimed to find out what went through her head whenever she was faced with something that was seemingly so simple.

I reached over and lightly rubbed her back hoping it would help calm her. I watched as she let herself enjoy the gesture for a few minutes, before she lifted her self up from her spot and wondered off into the kitchen.

I tried let me attention drift back to the movie. I had told her before that I was happy to leave and give her some privacy, but she always insisted that I stay.

The conversations were quick, both of them seemingly trying to get off the phone as fast as possible and today was be no different.  
After the trivial questions were finished and Bella began wrapping up the conversation, her mother said something that made Bella's brow crease and her lips purse.

"That's great Mom"

Her tone was cheery, joyful even. But her eyes fixed straight ahead as if she using all her strength to keep her happy expression in her voice.

As her mother continued to talk, Bella's hardened appearance dropped and her eyes that had been focused on the floor drifted in my direction. She looked down at my feet and suddenly there was nothing but fear and shame in her eyes.

I watched her carefully as she said her goodbyes and and came back over to my side, sitting with both her hands clasped together on her lap.  
"Everything ok?" I asked, as if I hadn't heard the whole conversation.

"She's… coming-… She's coming here." Bella said braking half way through to shake her head. I grabbed the remote and stopped the movie, moving closer to her to begin rubbing her back again.

"That's good isn't it? You haven't seen her in months" I questioned carefully, gauging her reaction to my words.

She peered up into my eyes for a brief moment before her gaze fell to my chest and back to her hands that were clenching each other tighter by the second.

"If you want.. I can go while she's here. You can be alone with her if that's what you want" I offered making her brow instantly crease.

"Why would I want that?" she said, obviously offended that I would even suggest it.

"Bella…" I said smiling as she looked up at me.

"What?" she replied as she let out a humorous laugh.

"I know you haven't told her about us" I said carefully, trying to keep my tone light.

"You'll see why" she said hopelessly as she dropped back into the sofa with defeat.

"You think she wont approve?" I questioned curiously, trying to understand what she had meant.

"No, it's not that. She just-.. wont-….get it" Bella said, her brow creasing and her eyes focused on her hands that that she was rubbing together.

I felt the confusion wash over me, not understanding the statement or the dejected way she spoke.

I moved back and angled my body to face her.

I had found in the past weeks, that it was best not to push Bella. It only seemed to make her anxious and make her push me away even more. But this made no sense and I needed to know why she seemed so upset.

"What does that mean? _She won't get it_ " I questioned.

She turned to face me with regret, obviously wishing she hadn't said it.  
She let out a sigh and forced a weak smile.  
"She's nice. She is. Anyone else would probably like her. But they cant read her mind"

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged and sunk even further into the sofa.

"You'll be able to hear - what I see in her eyes, every time she looks at me"

She said the words as if she was talking to herself, voicing a concern that was far to strong to be kept inside her own head.

I reached out wanting to comfort her when I heard the hopelessness break through her words.

"Bella I don't care what-" I said firmly as I reached out to rest my hand on her shoulder as I spoke.

Before I could finish she quickly shook me of and got up from her spot next to me. I watched as her arms wrapped around herself. I realised then, how long it had been since I saw the protective gesture.

"I'm tired. Let's just go to bed" she said anxiously before hurrying out of the living room and up the stairs.

* * *

That night, like every other night, she slept on my chest, laid out over me as I read.  
She was so still that I wouldn't have know she had woken up if the flashes of light hadn't stopped. I looked down after realizing her breathing had changed and found her looking up at me in the darkness.  
"Are you alright?" I questioned through soft whisper.

"What time is it?" she breathed out so quietly that even I could barely make out the words.

"It's just after 3am, you should go back to sleep" I urged putting the book down and folding my arm around her.

"Will you do something for me?" she asked with a saddened expression that I could never bare to see.

"Anything" I promised.


	5. Chapter 5

Edward's POV

It was like a dream.

I didn't know it at the time, but it was dream that I was destined to re-live over and over again.

For someone who never slept, it was a blissful and calming moment in this long and arduous life. It was as if I closed my eyes and made it up in my head. But I doubted that my mind could ever conjure something like this up. Even if it could have, it wouldn't have compared, it would have been lacking the simple sensations that came along with the experience.

The drive there was quiet, but in a way that would be hard to explain.

My mind didn't race like it always did. It was only aware of her by my side.

There were no tormenting thoughts in my mind, no panic over what could happen, or over what horrors lied ahead.

I found myself leaning back in my seat, relaxing into the headrest. I watched her hand that hung lazily out the window. Focusing on how her fingers gently moved to dance with the wind that blew against them.

It was a foolish thought, but a part of me didn't want to stop. I wanted to keep driving, to drag this moment out. As if we could leave everything that was wrong behind us. I wouldn't have to think about how I could lose her. I wouldn't have to get caught in the wonder of what it would be like if I failed her and what it feel like if I didn't have her anymore.

When we arrived she jumped out of the car quickly, as if the sounds of the crashing waves were calling out to her. They were pulling her in with the current and she had no second thought about giving in to them.

I got the blanket from the backseat, then walked over to her side. I had my arm around her shoulder, holding her close, as we made our way onto the sand in the darkness.

When she slowed her pace, I followed her lead and laid the blanket down. I sat down with her and curled my arm around her, urging her to lay beside me.  
I moved as close as I could, resting on my side with my face pressed into the warm skin on her neck. I watched her smile as I occasionally planted slow kisses on my favourite spot above her collarbone. I felt her hand slide under my neck to hold me in place, then her fingers ran grazed over the skin below my ear.

We laid there in the dark for hours without a single word, starring up at the stars until the daylight started to slowly appear.

I knew the sun would rise over the horizon and disappear behind the the thick gray clouds that always covered Forks. And she knew it too.

But it was those few minutes when the sun showed its self and lit the ocean up. That small amount of time when it hit us and she would feel it cover her already warmed body, making her eyes close as she relaxed even further into me.

She was like different person down there. It didn't matter how quiet she was, she didn't need to talk for me to notice it. It was how she moved, the curve that stayed on her lips, the way every muscle in her body seemed to relax. She looked comforted and safe, this place seemed to give her that more then anything else could. And I was happy to witness it.

* * *

We were five minutes into the scan and I sat along side Carlisle, invading his mind as he assessed the images appearing on the screen.

"Well?" I questioned when his mind suddenly went through a load of medical jargon I didn't understand.

"It's the same as last time Edward" He replied leaning forward in his seat to get a closer look.

"How is this even possible, you've seen what happens to her. How could this have no effect on her brain" I asked watching him shake his head in reply.

"There are high levels of cortisol, we can treat that" Carlisle said while examining the screen, making me roll my eyes.

It had been a long week and the effects of that were starting to become very obvious.

"You cant keep going like this" he added, keeping his eyes on the images as they updated. I was ready to question him when thoughts of me hunting appeared in his mind.

"I'm fine" I said moving my self back into my seat, my shoulders stiffening defensively.  
" _Your on edge"_ He thought, knowing I could hear, but I didn't reply.

As usual, he was right, but I couldn't bring myself to admit it and accept the fact that I had no choice but to leave Bella.

"I want to bring her in for another scan early next week…There are some more tests I want to complete to. I can take care of her for a few hours. I suggest you use that time to sought this out. Before it gets out of hand"

Again I didn't reply, instead my sights drifted back over to Bella who laid in the next room.

I watched her stay perfectly still, wondering how many times she had done this exact test before.

The blood tests, CT scans, MRI's…not of it seemed to faze her in the least. They were quite obviously motions she had gone through a hundred times over and she head learned how to distract her self during them.

Each time Carlisle suggested something else he wanted to try, I waited for her to become anxious, frustrated, fearful or even angry. But no, none of that ever happened. I would be the one who brought those emotions to the surface when I told her I was going to have to leave.

I had gotten lucky, a few weeks prior. She was fast asleep with her face nuzzled into the side of my chest, my arm draped around her, rubbing circles into her back as she slept. It was around 2am when I heard the light steps in her backyard.

I got up and made my way down stairs to see the Deer making it's way back into the woods.

It was as if the stars had aligned, no so much for the deer obviously.

But it meant I was able to leave and return back to her in less then an hour, without her even knowing I was gone.

But I was sure I would die of starvation waiting for that to happen again.

* * *

Bella's POV (flashback)

 _"BELLA_ _!_ _"_

 _Max's voice roared across the parking lot to me, making me jump at the harsh tone. Though he would never care_ _when_ _he_ _scared the hell out of_ _me out._ _In fact, I was sure he got a kick out of it._

 _I spotted him and ran over to his car_ _. He stood leaning into the jeep_ _looking_ _down_ _at his watch_ _and shaking his head. Th_ _is_ _was his usual_ _passive way of letting me know that I had kept him waiting_ _once again_ _._ _  
_ _He opened the door for me and flicked his cigarette to the ground, rolling his eyes at my usual lateness, mixed in with a warm and amused smile._

 _I was sure he thought I did it to annoy him, but that wasn't the case, I really was this useless at sticking to a schedule._

 _"So, how is Dr. Do-very-little?"_ _he asked as the jeep roared to like._ _  
_ _"Same old, same old" I answered as I went through my handbag looking for my phone._ _  
_ _"Lie through ya teeth?"_ _he asked looking over his shoulder to assess his surroundings before he pulled out of his parking space._ _  
_ _"Yep" I said with a nod as I retrieved my phone._

 _I had been seeing Dr Diaz since I was 14, he had never been able to help me or see anything wrong with me. So to avoid being labelled crazy_ _…_ _again,_ _we decided_ _it was better to keep my mouth shut._

 _Anna had assured both me and Max that no good would come from being honest with the doctors or our parents_ _again, so we had to just go with it_ _. After everything that had happened, we had definitely learned our lesson._

 _The problem was that I felt like it_ _put a horrible strain on Max._ _  
_ _He was thrown into something that he was no_ _t_ _prepared for_ _and carried it on his shoulders more then he should have had to_ _._

 _Max had a protective and loyal nature that was only revealed when he loved you, but unfortunately he was only close to two people. So no one would ever get to know how compassionate he was capable of being._

 _To everyone else he was just a regular boy, loud, rough and full of smart ass remarks. I couldn't help but feel like the world was missing out on seeing him for who he is, because we had kept him hidden from it._

 _He had an absentee father,_ _who was his primary caregiver._ _And though I spent most of my time with Max and had known almost half my life, I could count the times I had talked to his father on one hand_ _._

 _Max's mother had a whole new family. A son and a daughter who Max rarely spoke of. When he was younger he would leave to visit them, but as he got older those trips became less and less frequent, until he simply stopped making them._

 _Max's father worked a lot. Max often joked that his fathers job was his one true love, seconded only to his secretary. His father simply seemed to busy for his son and Max allowed him to live his life without any question or disturbance from him._

 _Because his father was rarely home, it left_ _us with an empty house, meaning I had somewhere to go when ever I felt the pain approaching. On the rare occasion his father was home, they would drive me to the middle of nowhere and wait with me, until it passed._ _  
_ _That was the worst part. Laying in the dirt and wailing around like a dying animal. They didn't deserve to go through that._

 _It was unfair,_

 _it was horrible,_

 _Yet it was completely necessary_ _._

 _"Where is she?" I asked as I scrolled through my phone and checked my emails._ _  
_ _"With_ _Lizzie and Chris_ _at the beach."_ _  
_ _I nodded in response_ _,_ _as I typed_ _out_ _a reply on my phone._ _  
_ _  
_ _"You wanna go there, or you want me to take you home?" he asked, casually glancing over at me. The answer would let him know how I was feeling_ _._ _I loved being able to smile back at him and give him the answer he was hoping for._

 _"Beach please" I chimed as I locked my phone and chucked it back into my bag._

 _I knew her friends were there with her and that one by one they would leave, until it was just the three of us._

 _Sometimes we would stay there all night. I often fell asleep with Anna by my side, but wake with Max pressed between us, absorbing our abnormal body heat to keep him warm._

 _Anna and I could enjoy the cold breeze that flew of the water, temporarily cooling our overheated bodies. It was as comfortable as I could be, without having to lay on the tiles under a cold shower. And best of all we were together._

 _When it got dark, the sounds from the ocean got louder. I would listen to the waves crashing into the shoreline, so chaotic that her words would mix into them, until I couldn't separate the sound of it from sound of her voice._

 _In a very obvious and real way, we had isolated ourselves from everyone_ _, laying out there in the night was proof of that fact_ _._ _Family, friends, neighbors, teachers, doctors, all of them lived on the other side of the wall we had built._ _  
_

 _The horrible thing was, that Anna and_ _our_ _mother_ _once had a great relationship. T_ _hey had that mother daughter connection_ _. A connection I_ _could never have_ _, not after_ _I_ _had_ _lied to her so much_ _._ _And in the end it was a connection I didn't want to give her, because_ _she had given up on me when I needed her the most._

 _We had destroyed the foundations and nothing good could grow_ _between us_ _now._

 _Anna had made her choice and that_ _choice_ _was to step into a secluded world with me, one my mother was not allowed to enter._ _One she was not trusted to breach in any way. And my mother knew that. She knew that_ _I had taken_ _Anna_ _away from_ _her,_ _long before she died_ _._ _And my mothers_ _resentment_ _of_ _that robbery was_ _always laid bare for anyone to see, if they simply took the time to look_ _._

* * *

Edward's POV

Her mother wouldn't be here for another week and only planned to stay for a few days. But it had changed everything. Bella had been even quieter then usual, something I didn't think was even possible.

We went to the beach most mornings and I found myself almost running her out the door, because it was the only time she seemed relaxed and even moderately happy.

I leaned into the kitchen bench watching her prepare her dinner. It had been three days since I realized that I needed to hunt and I still hadn't figured out how I was meant to tell her. But also, I hadn't figured out to make her believe that I was coming straight back. I knew Bella was aware that she could trust me, but sometimes it was as though she couldn't help herself but believe the worst would happen. I didn't believe it had anything to do with something I had done. I knew I hadn't been the one to install this distrust. It had been her own experience that had built it. There was very little I could say or do to penetrate a fear that had been built over a life time.

"You wanna watch a movie" I offered as she served the food onto a plate.  
"Sure" she whispered barely audible, grabbing her meal and heading into the living room.  
This was how it had been since her mother rang. One word answers to everything and a horribly distant look in her eyes. Letting me know that in her head, she was somewhere else.

After she finished eating, she took her usual spot by my side, pressing as much of her burning body into mine as she could, the action was something I had grown very used to. I had gotten so used to it in fact, that I could almost tell when she was running hotter or cooler then usual.

"You feeling ok?" I questioned when as she relaxed her head onto chest.

"I'm fine" she said with a flat tone, instantly dismissing my concern.

"Your warm" I added before lightly kissing her brow. She pulled back slightly to peer up at me. She had a hint of a curve on her lips, it was the closest expression to a smile that I had seen from her in days.  
"I'm always warm" she said holding the small grin as she reached up to place her hand on the side of my face.

I don't know why the question seem to ease some of the tension that had been radiating from her. But it had.

She shifted her body up slightly so she could kiss me. Her lips lightly touched mine as if she thought I would break before she pulled away again.

As her lips left mine she looked at me with concern, there was a very obvious distress in her gaze and it made me nervous. It made me sure that I was missing even more then I thought I was.

"Is everything ok Bella? Really?" I asked as the slight frown disappeared and was replaced with the usual forced smile.  
"Of course" she said as she rested herself back down, so that I could no longer examine her expression.

I put my arm around her shoulder and began fidgeting with one of her curls anxiously. She was so distracted by her own thoughts, that she didn't seem to be paying attention to the movie, or to me staring down at her.

I didn't have to leave for another two days, but I had put off telling her for too long and I didn't want to just spring it on her. Though, telling her when she was already so shut off, didn't seem like a good idea either.

I had to accept that there was no good way to do this. The only way I could prove to her that I was going to come back, was to do just that. It had been my motto since I met her. Prove her doubts wrong.

I was ready to open my mouth and talk when the sudden bang came from outside. I turned to the direction of the sound as Bella shook her head and paused the movie.  
"Damn Raccoon" she muttered under her breath as she slowly pushed herself to her feet.

I watched as she started walking up the stairs, quietly telling me that she would be right back.

I briefly wondered what the raccoon would taste like as I walked outside to move it along, before it started going through the trash can once again.

I opened the screen door and watched as I caught his eye. As usual, my presence scared him off, as it did with most animals.

I stood there for a minute until he disappeared into the woods, rolling my eyes as I picked the trash can back up.

I had only taken one step through the door when I heard Bella's sharp intake of breath, quickly followed by loud thud that echoed through the house.

"Bella?" I yelled out instantly, before running up stairs.

She didn't reply and in the few seconds it took me to get up stairs my mind had already created a hundred scenarios of what could have happened.

I had already prepared myself to find her on the ground.

I had already started kicking myself for not questioning her further about her raising temperature.

Before I walked into her room I could hear her heart beating rapidly and I had no doubts that I would soon hear her scream out in pain. But as I walked through her open door, I found her standing at the end of her bed. Her breathing was so rough that her whole body moved in motion with each rapid intake.  
"Bella?" I questioned as I approached her cautiously. She stood with her back to me starring at the ground and as I got closer I could see what had her attention.

The house was full of boxes, her room more so then anywhere else. There were spare rooms that she could have put them in, but she always assured me that she wanted them left where they were.

At the end of her bed there had been three large boxes piled up on top of each other, but now there was only one box. At her feet were the other two boxes, their contents spilled out over the floor, creating a collage of her and Anna's life together.

I watched as her shoulders lifted and dropped as she heaved in each breath. One of her hands was clutching a t-shirt, tightening the fabric in her fist, her other hand was shaking at her side, each of her fingers contorted into a stiffened state, as if she was stuck between leaving the items where they had fallen and shoving them back into the box they had escaped from.

"It's ok" I said as I drew slowly to her side, wanting to get a look at her face before I tried to touch her. She had made no reaction to me coming in, or calling out her name and I wondered if she was even aware of my presence.

Her tear filled eyes darted from left to right, taking in the sight of the books, ornaments and seemingly endless amount of photographs.  
"I can-" I offered. moving from her side, my hand gesturing to the scattered belongings. expressing my intention, when her loud pained voice cut me off and froze me in place.  
"No. Don't!"

I hadn't noticed how her quite tone and whispered responses had left the house in a hushed lull all week, but now that voice had reared up again it was extinguished, to the point where I couldn't even fully remember what that setting had felt like.

I had seen her cry dozens of times, but it was from a physical pain. It was brought on by agony and torture. I had never seen her like this. I had never seen her this upset, this utterly heartbroken.

Her body began leaning forward as if she was struggling to hold herself upright and I was sure she was seconds from passing out.  
There was no doubt in my mind about what was happening right now, all the signs pointed to it.

"Bella" I said softly, moving to her side and lightly running my hand over her clenched and shaking fist.  
"Come and sit on the bed Bella. It's ok" I said as I lightly curled my hand around hers, hoping the feel of my skin on hers would help ground her. But in response, her head started shaking at the the thought of moving away from the spot she was cemented in.

"Bella I think your having a panic attack" I kept my voice calm as I moved closer, watching as she took the information in with out any reaction. I knew right then by her expression, that this had happened before. I don't know why I was surprised, she had every right to panic. In fact, the more I thought about it, it was hard to believe that this hadn't happened earlier.

"Were just going to go to the bed ok? That's all" I asked reaching out with my free hand and and placing it on her stomach, ready to steer her away from this spot, so she couldn't keep starring at the sight that had her so distressed.  
"No! I can't"  
Her words burst out through the shallow breaths and I could see the idea of moving away from here was only making her more anxious. As she continued to chant the words again, I began lowering myself to align my face with hers, curling my arms around her waist, sure she was going to faint or fall at any moment.

"Ok, ok" I whispered, trying to calm her and assure her we weren't going to do anything she didn't want to do.

"We wont go anywhere." I promised, searching the room, as if the answer was somewhere around me.

It wasn't the smartest idea and I definitely knew better, but it didn't seem like I had any other choice.

"How about right here?" I suggested as I began tightening my hold on her.

Her breaths became even more disturbing to hear and I watched as her lip trembled in sync with the rest of her body.

I studied her closely, waiting for some sign that she would agree to move. But her gaze that was focused on the mess before her, now appeared to be looking past all of it. They were caught on something that only her eyes could see. That's when I saw an overwhelming flash of fear cover her face and the tears that were building in her eyes began spilling over her cheeks.

"Listen to me Bella. It's ok. You're ok" I promised firmly, praying my voice would bring her back from the dark place that her mind had wondered off to.  
She didn't respond and her eyes stayed fixed on the floor, as if it was opening up to swallow her whole. Without warning, her weight collapsed onto me, allowing me to finally lower us down onto the ground.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Edward POV_**

 _"I can't leave her"_

The words were spoken through a rough gasp. She had said the words as though she were admitting to a horrible crime. As though she were confessing to something unthinkable.  
And as much as I tried, I just couldn't comprehend what those words had meant to her and why she looked so horrified that she had even said them to me.

This was Bella's fear and it had been deep-rooted as long as I had known her. It was the shattering feeling that she would be abandoned and now it seemed that I could add something else to that - The fear of abandoning. The fear that she would leave her sister.

Anna was gone. But yet here she lay on the ground, scattered through belongings, photographs and books. I could smell her into the room all around us. There had always been a trace of her in the air and I knew there were things of Anna's in those boxes. But now that those belongings had been spilled on to the ground, the aroma of Anna fill the room, just as much as I could identify the scent of Bella in it.

They were similar fragrances, though one was bolder and one was sweeter. It was easy to know which belonged to each of the Swan sisters.

I held her against my chest, our legs tangled awkwardly and my chin resting on her shoulder. I kept my mouth to her ear telling her to breathe, telling her to copy the rise and fall of my own chest as it rose into her back. I wanted her to focus on something else, something other then this devastation in front of her. But it seemed that there was no real way to distract Bella from what remained of Anna, especially when it was staring her right in the face.

This was why the boxes never left the room. This was why they had been piled up in here since her arrival. She couldn't put them in another room because it was as if she was pushing what was left of her sister away. And Bella couldn't have that. But she also couldn't unpack them and have Anna staring her in the face each day. She had been doing fine knowing it was all there, but not having to face any of it. I hadn't questioned it. Though I can see now that I should have.

The photo's were everywhere, there were more then should have existed in their short life times and I had a good feeling that I was only seeing a small portion of what existed.

The photo's that I could see, were mostly recent. I guessed they didn't range back further then a few years and most of them were taken at the beach, Bella's favourite place.

I started to realise I had been chasing ghosts with Bella and I didn't even know I was doing it. It hit me then that there was so much I didn't know, and that there was so much more I wanted to know about the girl in my arms.

I could feel her breathing starting to even out slowly, but she still felt rigid and tense in my arms. I could still feel a slight vibration running through her, much more then she usually had. But even so, she was starting to calm down slightly and I wanted to help her to the finish line.

I tilted my head to the side, craning my neck to get a better look at her. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead, just as they had been. But they no longer looked vacant and lost, now they were focused on a particular photo that was lying apart from the others, lying at our feet within reach.

It seemed like it was that photo that was helping Bella calm down, that her focusing on it was soothing her.

I kept one arm wrapped around her, leaving one hand on her hip to rub the soft skin back and forth, hoping to comfort her. The other hand slowly and steadily moved out to reach for the photo. I kept my eyes on her face as I picked the photo up. It didn't seem to make her any more anxious then she already was, so I decided to continue bring it towards us.

Her eyes stayed trained on the photo and mine stayed on hers. I noticed the closer I brought the photo to her, the more I felt those tight muscles in her body begin to ease, even if it was only slightly, it was enough to know that I was moving in the right direction.

I looked over at the photo and couldn't help but smile at the two sisters that were laughing hysterically with their arms tied around each other. Beyond noticing the joyous expressions on their faces I couldn't ignore the obvious matching outfits. Both were wearing identical white t-shirts and jeans, both garments much tighter and fitted then I had ever seen Bella wear.

"Max loved that" Bella whispered, slowly reaching out to lightly trace her shaking finger over the photo, before letting it drop back down to her lap again.

I knew who Max was, I had briefly met the boy when he picked Anna up, but I didn't know anything about him other then the things Anna had told me and the few thoughts I read in his mind during our brief introduction.

I knew that Max and Anna had been together since they were nine and that the boy had played a big role in both Anna and Bella's life. Like most things that had played a major role in Bella's life, he was off limits during our conversations. But right now she had said his name, for the first time since I had met her.

"The photo?" I questioned, trying to assure I kept my tone calm so that she didn't feel any pressure to answer.

She slightly shook her head and then paused, considering the question once more before she shrugged, "Well, he probably did like the photo…He took it"

"But that's not what you were talking about" I pressed, urging her to continue.

The small curve on her lips was so small that no one else would have had noticed it. But it was there.

"He used to get us to dress the same all the time, he thought it was funny to mess with people" The barely visible smile grew slightly, but so did the sadness in her eyes. "He just didn't get it"

"Get what?"

"How they couldn't tell us apart. After a few hours of knowing us, he could always tell which one of us was Anna. Our own mother couldn't do that, not just by looking at us. If we showed her a photo like this she could never pick us out"

Her brow creased and her lower lip shook before she clamped it down in her teeth. "It makes you feel…"

She didn't finish the weak whisper but my mind raced finishing it for her, filling the sentence with words that matched the heartbroken expression on her face.

 _Inconsequential, invisible, indiscernible…_ all the things you would never want your mother to see you as.

She had worded the sentence carefully: " _he could always tell which one of us was Anna"._

It had never been Bella that Max had taken close notice of, it had been Anna. He had known her. He had noticed her. Anna had been so important that he could pick her out of a crowd, even when her exact double was beside her. He could identify Bella from Anna, because there were features and characteristics that Anna had, that Bella didn't. But to notice those things, you would had to have paid attention. You would have to notice the smallest things.

It was a horrible to know that she had felt so insignificant. She knew it could be done, she had seen Max take the time to see it, but he had done it because he was in love with Anna. But no one had taken the time to do it for Bella.

I unwrapped my arm from around her waist and lifted it to tap my finger on the photo. "That's you"

Her body swayed on my lap and her head turned, her eyes instantly falling on my face. She examined my features as though she was looking for signs of deception hidden within my expression. She simply couldn't believe that I could identify the traits that set her apart of Anna.

I weakly smiled at her and looked back to the photos surrounding us and leaned forward to point to another, in which they were both curled up on a sofa together. "That's you"

Then to another of them on the beach. "That's you"

Then to another, where they stood side-on and their faces were barely visible.

"And that's you"

When I looked back to her she was still watching me closely, but she no longer looked uncertain and doubtful.

I reached up and rested my open palm to the side of her face and ran my thumb over the tears that stained her cheeks. Then I glided my hand down her jaw, before resting my hand under her chin, tilting her face further up to mine.

I could see fresh tears welling in her eyes but they were the kind that I could stand to see there. The faint smile had disappeared and was replaced with a solace, brought forth by something that may have seemed so small to most people. But this was important to Bella.

I leaned down and kissed her forehead, her cheek and her lips with lingering, tender kisses that she melted into, shedding the remains of the tension that she'd had minutes before, as I rested my brow against hers.  
"I see you Bella"

* * *

 ** _Bella's POV (Flashback)_**

 _"You're being a bitch" Max pointed out as he drew another card from the deck._

 _"That's funny, I was just about to say the same thing to you" I murmured as I inspected my cards one last time._

 _"Just come with us" he urged, trying to hide his frustration as he laid his cards on the table. "Three of a kind"_ _  
_

 _I tossed my cards down on the table for him to see. "Full house" I said with very little enthusiasm as I reached for the deck to start shuffling them._

 _Anna told us both that she was busy, but offered very little information other then that before she took Max's jeep and fled. That left us both here, sitting on my bed, playing our hundredth game of poker for the afternoon, and most likely our millionth game since I had met Max._

 _I could feel him watching me, waiting for my reply. He was patient, he could wait me out._

 _I finished shuffling and sighed heavily, sure I could feel his eyes burning into me._

 _"You'll have more fun without me" I added as I started dealing the cards out again._

 _He rolled his eyes smiled smugly. "Its your birthday party. That's why their having the party" he spat out with a laugh, as though I was being ridiculous._ _  
_

 _I rolled my eyes up from my cards to look at him. "Their having the party for Anna, and it's fine, really. I just want to stay home and I want you to take her out and have a good time"_

 _He groaned loudly and I kept my eyes on the cards that I was arranging in my hand ._

 _"Their our friend Bells. We'll eat poorly baked cake, drink cheap beer, listen to shitty music. You'll have a good time"_

 _"Their Anna's friends. Your friends. They don't even like me and it doesn't bother me."_

 _"They don't-.. hate you" he said with an odd pitch rolling in his tone.._

 _I shrugged. I didn't really think they hated me. The simply didn't care for me, they spent time with me because they wanted to be with Anna and that was just fine with me. "They'd be happier if I didn't show up. No one would have to feign interest in me and they wouldn't have to pretend they care that's it's my birthday. I wouldn't have to be wonder what their thinking"_

 _Max groaned once more and I could hear his frustration growing in the sound._

 _"Your the most distrusting person on this planet" he growled through a clenched jaw with his hard eyes fixed on his cards. I barely had a second to respond to the statement before his face quickly softened and he looked up at me with more regret then I was comfortable seeing._

 _"I shouldn't have said that" he said quickly, obviously wishing he could take back the words._

 _I didn't look up, but I could feel his eyes locked on me as I nervously gnawed at my lower lip."It's fine"_

 _"No, It's not. I'm sorry Bells" he said firmly._

 _I shook my head, paying far to much attention to the five cards I was holding."You don't have to apologise, your right-"_

 _Before I'd even finished speaking he had leaned forward and lightly placed his fingers on my knee, momentarily stunning me into silence. I looked up and found his eyes settled on mine._

 _"And I know you've got your reasons. I shouldn't have said it. It was an ass-hole move to throw it in your face"_

* * *

 ** _Edward's POV_**

"It will only be for a few hours" I promised as I held the large canvas against the wall.

"To the left" Bella asked, tilting her head to the side and scrunching her lips.

I moved the painting and watched her reaction to the new position.

"I'll be back here shortly after you and Carlisle finish up at the hospital"

Bella's brow raised and she smiled widely at my reasoning."It's ok. Like I said- twice now. It's fine."

I stood there watching her, waiting for her to give me a sign that she uncomfortable. But she really did seem _fine_ and she had now assured me of that three times now.

"That's perfect, right there" She said with a firm nod and I nodded in reply.  
I pressed the hooks into the wall and hung the painting in the spot she had chosen, while she began placing the collection of new cushions onto the sofa.

I watched her for a moment, moving the cushions and throw rug over the sofa, stepping back from it to every few seconds to get a clear view of her arrangement.

"I should have said something sooner"

She turned to look at me smiling sweetly before making her way over to me.

Her arms reached up and hung loosely over my shoulders as my hands found her hips.

"Stop feeling guilty. I'm fine. You're fine. Everything is-"

"Fine?" I offered cutting her off. She smiled at me and nodded, standing up on the tips of her toes to meet her lips with mine.

The chased kiss was soft and I could feel her smile lingering in it. But I couldn't enjoy it.

There was no denying the burning in my throat anymore, I couldn't ignore it and I couldn't bare the idea of putting it off any longer. And though Bella had taken the information much better then I had thought she would, I could feel uncertainty coming off her, but she was working to ignore those feelings. Just like she was working on ignoring everything else.

"What if we put the La Mariée there? Do you think that would be ok?"  
I nodded instantly and grabbed more hooks from the coffee table then picked up the framed print that was quite obviously one of Bella's favourites. I was sure of it now when she decided to make it the centrepiece of the entire room.

We had spent the morning shopping, carefully picking out things that Bella thought would make good additions to the house.

Bella said she needed to create a homely atmosphere before her mothers visit. I wished Bella had done something like this for her own benefit, but I knew ultimately she would benefit from it. She clearly picked out things that sparked her interest, so it wasn't completely for her mothers sake. She also seemed to be enjoying the decorating and I didn't mind it either. There was something very domestic and ordinary about the task, and I liked how that felt.

That calmness we were surrounded by now had been something that Bella had been working towards since she woke this morning. She wanted to put the events of yesterday behind her and move forward. But I had to wonder if that was a good idea.

This seemed to be something Bella did a lot of. She wanted to ignore everything that was wrong, but it was an impossible task. I knew if she continued on suppressing everything that the panic attacks would become more frequent and I didn't want that for her, especially if it could be helped.

The painful episodes Bella suffered from were unavoidable at the moment, I didn't know what they were or how to stop them. But I could help her with her anxiety.

I could help her work towards assuring that the time she had between episodes didn't have the dark cloud of possible panic attacks hanging over them. She didn't deserve to have that time taken away from her too.


	7. Chapter 7

**Carlisle's POV**

I watched as my son hopped around the room, with much less grace then I knew he was capable of. His awkward movements and puzzled demeanour was owing to the fact, that apparently, he had lost his shoe. Now he was walking around the living room with one shoe on, in search of the other.

I found it hard not to watch my son closely. It was like looking at a completely different person and an amusing one at that. I briefly wondered if he had lost his mind, especially when he froze, raked his hand through his hair and furrowed his brow.

He smiled widely at me and shook his head.

"They were right here" he promised me with a laugh, obviously reacting to my thoughts that were playfully questioning his sanity.

His hair was wet, his shirt was only half buttoned and for the first time in almost a hundred years, I found myself seeing him as the boy he was before I turned him. For the first time in a long time, Edward reminded me of the teenager that he was forever immortalised to appear as.

"Here it is" Bella announced picking the shoe up from under the sofa.

"That's odd" Edward remarked as he took the shoes from her, an odd grin appeared as did a crease in his brow.

I could see him scanning through his own memory, trying to figure out how the shoe had travelled so far from the place where he had taken them off. Finally he rolled his eyes to himself and sat down, putting it on and doing up the remaining buttons on his shirt. He seemed to finally just accept that the shoe had simply been misplaced on accident.

Edward looked across the living room, watching Bella as she wondered back in, doing her own mental checklist to assure she was also ready to leave.

His eyes softened and scanned her over before he got to his feet slowly. He approached Bella with an inviting smile, a smile I wanted the rest of his family to witness, because this particular smile was one we had never had the pleasure of seeing it before. There was much more contentment in it then I ever knew he was capable of.

I ducked my head down, trying to give them some privacy, but it was almost impossible to take my eyes of Edward.

"I will see you very soon" Edward said carefully as he took Bella's face in his hands and kneeling slightly, to line his eyes with hers.

"You will" Bella replied, returning the smile and leaning into the simple kiss he was offering her.

When the kiss ended the smiles on their faces grew slightly before he turned to me and gave me a swift nod.

Bella chewed her lip as she watched him leave. She was quite obviously a little dazed after the affectionate goodbye and I was a little lost myself.

Edward was not known for being a physically affectionate person.  
He was sensitive, he had a great deal of empathy and he was a very loving and devoted member of our family. He himself could accept physical affection, but he rarely offered it out. He simply was not known for being very tactile. But it seemed that he had found someone who he was eager to be physically close to.

I cleared my throat to bring Bella back from her daydreaming. She jumped slightly and turned to face me, revealing the crimson flush that had fallen over her cheeks.

"Does he do that a lot? He's usually not very forgetful" I asked as I picked my briefcase up.

Bella smiled and walked over to the coat hanger to retrieve her jacket. "He isn't forgetful at all"

"You understand it's quite strange for our kind to loose their shoes. We have pretty good memories"

Bella glanced out the window and watched as Edwards car slowly pulled out of the drive way.

"He likes to make me cups of tea, because he likes the smell of it. He likes to take long drives and listen to music he doesn't know, even if he doesn't really care for it. He likes lounging around. Folding the clean clothes and washing the dishes with me. He likes all that domestic-human-stuff" Bella said with a shrug and a sneaky smile on her face.

I smiled back and raised my brow at Bella, as I realised what she was confessing to. "So you hid his shoe?"

"Do you think it's mean?" she asked with a toothy grin that forced me to release a light chuckle.

I considered the question and shook my head. "I think it's kind of sweet actually"

She had noticed that he liked feeling human. It was nothing I hadn't noticed myself. I brought Edward as close to being apart of the human world as I could, but I could never truly immerse him in it. He would always be faced with a dividing line. It didn't bother most vampires but it caused Edward a lot of suffering.

Aside from being a vampire, Edward could read the thoughts of people around him and I feared this gift was much more of a curse to him. It was a constant reminder to him that he was, as he saw it, a monster.

But I doubted the monster Edward envisioned himself as, was capable of misplacing a shoe, folding laundry or having to wonder what was going on inside his girlfriends head - just like everyone else in a relationship tended to do.

Yes I brought Edwards as close to the human world as I could and Bella worked to push him in even further.

* * *

Bella was comfortable in my office by this point. She had walked in and relaxed into my chair behind my desk waiting for me. I found her tiny form in the large leather armchair quite comical and she seemed to enjoy making it swivel from side to side while she waited on me to sought through the records and the documents I needed.

"So Carlisle what's it going to be?" Bella asked after a few minutes of silence. I turned to find her leaning forward to fidget with the _Newton's cradle,_ as she always did when I left her waiting at my desk for to long.

"PET, MRI, fMRI,… or my personal favourite EEG?" She asked letting go of the spheres and watching as it started to swing into the others.

"You don't like the EEG" I questioned, lowering the folder that I had been flipping through.

She shrugged and I could see that she felt bad for making the comment.  
I knew that Bella always feared that she would appear ungrateful, though her concern was not necessary.

"It's ok if you don't enjoy it Bella. I didn't assume you were finding much joy in any of these tests "

She chewed her lower lip, something she was prone to doing as much as Edward was prone to rubbing his hand over the back of his neck.  
It wasn't always a nervous reaction . It was the response to a myriad of emotions, ranging anywhere between severe discomfort to happiness. One would need to pay close attention to understand the context of the gesture.  
Right now I had my money on _nervous._

"I don't-…I just don't like those things all over my face." She confessed as her whole body shuddered at the thought.

"The electrodes?" I offered and Bella scrunched her nose. Even the word seemed to make her uncomfortable.

"I'm sure they aren't the most pleasant thing in the world" I assessed, trying to convey some understanding.

She absently nodded, watching the spheres collide, before she quickly tensed looking over to me in slight panic. "But I can handle it, if you want to do one."

Bella was the most accommodating patient I had ever had. I knew I would never have another patient quite like her, even without taking her illness into account .

Bella was poked and prodded, she was given test after test, scan after scan. And was never given a diagnosis. I couldn't imagine there were many people out there who could be pestered by a doctor so persistently and still smile when he informed her that he'd found nothing to help her.

Bella always thanked me politely after each test, procedure or examination and she always made sure that I knew she was grateful for my effort and time spent. I assured her it was not necessary, but she continued to offer her gratitude all the same.

"Were keeping it pretty simple today. If you consent to it, we will do an MRI and some more blood tests. Then you can see what the cafeteria has to offer. And if your up to it, maybe you could answer some more questions about your medical history over lunch." I finished looking up to Bella, hoping to find her comfortable with the agenda for the day.

"How does that sound Miss Swan?"

Bella smiled sincerely and gave me a nod of approval and I was grateful to see it.

* * *

Watching Bella inspect the food in the cafeteria was oddly amusing. She had very visible reactions to each option she was faced with. I noticed her nose scrunch when we passed the tray of lasagne, her brow slightly raising as she ducked her head to inspect the jello, before we finally reached the salad bar and her lip slightly curved in approval.

This was the girl whom Edward had chosen to spend his time with and maybe if that hadn't been so, I wouldn't have spent any time noticing the changes to her facial expression.

I felt like I couldn't help myself when it came to watching the girl.  
I wanted to get to know Bella and Bella was a hard person to become acquainted with. I just hoped some efforts would help me to understand her better.

Once we were in my office I pointed Bella to her usual spot, which just happened to be the seat behind my desk. The chairs that were reserved for patients or colleges were far to low, especially if she wanted to eat at the desk comfortably. But that wasn't necessarily my reasoning.  
I would much rather her take the seat behind the desk because I didn't want to treat her as a patient. She was so much more then that.  
The more I got to see Edward and Bella interact, the more I realised how very important Bella was to Edward and our family.  
I feared what would happen to both Edward and my family if we were unable to help Bella.  
I feared Edward wouldn't cope with the loss. I feared he needed her more then he had needed anything before. But my family needed Edward, we simply wouldn't know what to do without him and I feared our family unit would crumble without him.

The back and forth was easy. Bella had spent a lot of time over the past few weeks answering questions about her physical health and what she knew of Anna's. A lot of the time she seemed to be absently answering the questions while she picked at her food.

Bella worked quickly to chew the lettuce, while nodding, as she reached up to cover her mouth. "Topamax…. That was the store name for it. I cant remember what it's proper name was"

I nodded and jotted it down.

Bella had been tried on more drugs then any person I had met and she'd had doctors who were uninterested in keeping vigilant notes on her progress, or lack there of.  
There was also the case that Bella had spent a great deal of time keeping her condition hidden, so I could never be sure if Bella had taken half the drugs she had been prescribed, or if she had simply smiled and nodded to the doctor handing her the scripts.

"Topamax… That would be Topiramate?" I clarified wrote down some brief notes, receiving a nod from Bella.

She hummed and slightly waved her fork in front of her as she released a light chuckle. "Never again. It gave me these horrible rashes all over my arms, made my head all foggy and it made me really nauseous. It was awful."

"How long did you take it for" I questioned as I scribbled down notes.

Bella lightly squinted her eyes as they drifted towards the ceiling, while tilting her head to the side. "Two months, give or take."

I nodded and looked over my notes, and Bella's files. "What about after that? I can see a gap here"

Bella stared at her food and chewed her lip for a moment before meeting my gaze. "I tried Dihydroergotamine" she admitted, watching my reaction closely.

I sat back in my chair slightly and felt the crease in my brow form. I had not seen anything in her records about her taking Dihydroergotamine and it was not something that wouldn't have been given to her without close observation.

I flicked through the pages of her files, I couldn't believe that I could have overlooked something like this, but I assumed I must have."Did you see a different doctor? I don't see anything about this?"

Bella stiffened in her spot and watched me closely."It was my mothers. It was her migraine medication and I thought I would try it?"

I shook my head slightly in confusion. "How did you…?"

"Anna gave it to me. I can't handle needles, I couldn't even look when she was doing it". Bella said scrunching her mouth to the side as she recalled the memory.

She glanced up at me and noticed the brief expression of disapproval before I managed to remove it, thankfully she seemed to find it amusing.  
"It was stupid, believe me I know. But we thought it might work"

My lip curved slightly, relieved she at least knew how dangerous it was to tamper with such strong medications.  
"Did it help at all?" I asked, hoping that she may have found some kind of relief.

Bella turned her attention back to her food, shifting the remains with her fork.  
"No. Nothing's ever helped" she barely breathed out, making my heart sink at the sound.

I started to see that the day was wearing on Bella and perhaps the conversation was getting to be to much for her.

"I think I have everything we need for today Bella. Just one last thing and we can wrap this day up."

Bella perked up slightly and nodded as she started packing up the plastic container and utensils.

"From the age Thirteen to Fourteen who was your physician? I would like to have every piece of information available."

Bella's doctors had become steady after the age of fourteen and it had taken some time to go through all of the information available to me. Then I had decided to go right back to the start, in the hopes I could form a timeline and maybe even a map that might lead us somewhere. But there was a year that was unaccounted for. It wasn't an odd occurrence. Medical files had only recently gone digital over the last few years and most doctors hadn't bothered logging the information in , especially for patients they no longer had.

Bella sat starring at me with her lips slightly parted, she'd become pale and he breathing was rough and shallow. I briefly wondered if she was seconds away from having an episode until she quickly calmed her features.

I couldn't help but watch her cautiously as she rose up awkwardly from her seat with the plastic container in her hand.  
She studied the container in her hands far to closely as she walked across my office."I, um-…I actually have those at home" she stuttered out.

I couldn't help but let the crease form in my brow yet again."You do?"

The forced smile I received, was one I had heard Edward complain about before. It was more worrying then seeing her visibly upset. It wasn't just that you had to wonder what was actually wrong with her, or that you had wonder what had brought on the strained look. The problem was that Bella resorted to the expression a great deal, she seemed to think that it was convincing. It was concerning to wonder, if at some point, it had been enough to satisfy people into believing that she was ok.  
I am sure the girl has a great number of skills up her sleeve, but acting was not one of them.

"Edward. He-…" Bella stammered out taking her container to the trash can and quickly snatching her jacket from the coat hanger. "He'll be home soon and I want to be there when he get's back"she rambled as she put her jacket on and needlessly fidgeted with the sleeves.

I knew better then to push Bella. Especially if I knew she didn't feel comfortable. If anything had ever needed to be discussed that Bella didn't necessarily want to talk about, it had always been Edward that was able to ease Bella in the right direction and comfort her while she disclosed those things. I simply didn't feel comfortable pushing her to talk without him here.

"You're right, he'll be returning soon. We should get back." I said lightly, tucking her folder under my arm, while I picked up my brief case.

She looked up at me chewing nervously at her lip and barely allowing her sights to land on me before they drifted back to the floor.

"I'm sure he will be eager to see you Bella."


End file.
